Mindfulness in the Workplace

LEAN INTO:CouRagE EMBRACE: Honesty, Bravery, and Perseverance

renii@mindescapevibe.com (Renii Modisette) — Fri, 27 Dec 2024 21:37:09 GMT

We begin to say goodbye to 2024 with cooler temperatures and yuletide attitudes as December ends. One thing is sure: self-regulation starts with the Self despite all else. In the last blog for 2024, I explore the sixth and final virtue, Courage, as well as three character strengths: Honesty, Bravery, and Perseverance, with the pendulum swinging both ways as a reminder we can make it through the first starting with Self. A great conclusion to the MTO Lean-in Series, which focuses on character strengths and virtues from the VIA Institute.

I had initially planned to finish this series in October, but I found myself overwhelmed with school and work. I had convinced myself that I could push through despite feeling fatigued. However, I realized that the virtue of Courage also encompasses the character strength of Honesty. It was time for me to be honest with myself, which meant reevaluating the narrative I had created in my head. So, I took a break and reframed my internal dialogue to accept my revised story to remind myself that the pendulum swings both ways, so I must put myself first and focus on myself to overcome a self-imposed narrative that pushing through is the best way.

I challenge you, amidst this season of giving and gratitude, to be honest with yourSELF—it's a personal journey.

Is being honest with yourself a sign of bravery? Depending on who you ask, you might get different answers. In my opinion, yes, we are often harder on ourSELVES than anyone else is. Bravery is usually defined as resilience, facing fears, and not shrinking in the face of a threat or challenge. So, why can't SELF be a challenge? To help you navigate this solitary journey of self-awareness, consider the following statement:

"I AM in charge of how I react to others. I choose to respond in a positive way."

I AM: Root Chakra

Balanced: Feeling safe, secure, and fully present. This involves connecting to what is happening around you and healthily relating to the people in your life.

Deficient: Experiencing fear, lack of discipline, and restlessness with people in your life.

Just like preparing holiday festivities, rounding out year end KPIs, and being present for the people we love also requires that YOU, ME, and THEY be true to SELF- begin with confronting our internal challenges, which doesn't mean having all the answers or always "doing all the things" right. However, approaching situations with a positive attitude can lead to better coping strategies. For example, prioritizing resting over racing. Is it stressful, Absolutely, but it’s necessary.

Some might argue, "That's ridiculous; I don't have to do anything." My response is that perseverance and zest must outweigh anything that de-energizes us.

Perseverance can drive one to keep going and use it to overcome the SELF-barrier that holds them back. When perseverance is underused, one may feel helpless; however, if it is overused, it can become an obsession. Consider the following statement to reframe and encourage yourSELF:

"I DO have everything I need within me."

I Do: Solar Plexus

Balanced: Self-confident and energetic while also enjoying a connection with the universe and understanding their unique place in it. This person has a strong sense of personal power.

Deficient: Sometimes, someone may lack enthusiasm and self-confidence and feel powerless .

My sibling and I spent the holidays at my grandmother’s house when I was a child. She would set up an artificial white Christmas tree in the living room, positioned in front of the window so that the lights shone brightly at night. In the same area where the tree stood, she displayed her belongings, including books, a radio, and a newspaper. Every gift under the tree was beautifully wrapped, and the food—oh my goodness! She made her famous coconut cake, which my aunt loved, as well as delicious pies that my dad cherished, and her dressing was so good you felt like biting your fingers.

Never once did my grandmother ask for help. As a child, I thought she was magical. She did everything, and it was always beautiful. She taught me perseverance. A woman from the South, she faced the harsh realities of Jim Crow and had only a sixth-grade education, yet she always ensured that anyone who walked through her door felt at home.

I didn't fully understand her bravery until I became an adult and began experiencing the complexities of life. Now, I appreciate the wisdom she imparted through her actions. I learned to remember that even if there is rust on the rod swinging the pendulum, it is still swinging. I have the power to choose how to react and, most importantly, to dig deep for the positive, even when everything around me feels negative or unpleasant.

Where are you on the tightrope? MTO Lean-in Series, Part IV

renii@mindescapevibe.com (Renii Modisette) — Sun, 13 Oct 2024 21:34:39 GMT

Hello October! Q4 is in full swing, with MTO KPIs still at the forefront. It feels like I was saying "Happy New Year" just yesterday. Towards the end of June, I began the MTO Lean-in Series, which focuses on character strengths and virtues from the VIA Institute. I learned about the character strengths and virtues while completing my Positive Psychology Practitioner studies and found them intriguing, especially in relation to enhancing my mindfulness practice. So far, I've covered Temperance, Transcendence, Humanity, and Justice. This month, I'll be discussing the fifth virtue, Wisdom, as well as three character strengths: Judgment, Curiosity, and Perspective. I'll then conclude the series with the sixth virtue in the November blog post. For more information on VIA's character strengths, please visit the VIA Institute website at https://www.viacharacter.org.

WISDOM

Let’s begin with I've coined the Wisdom Tightrope when discussing the virtue of Wisdom because it involves a balancing act depending on the situation. The first character strength, Judgment, is rooted in critical thinking to counteract faulty thinking and biased opinions. When overused, Judgment can lead to narrow-mindedness, and when underused, one isn't reflective enough. Ironically, it is often frowned upon to judge ourselves and others, yet our analytical mind somehow gets in the way, which allows us to debate whether something that is frowned upon should be up for discussion.

I challenge you to take a logical approach, like having an open mind and being present in the moment. Whether at work or at home, there is something about stopping to reflect in the moment. Suddenly, after a deep breath, it doesn’t seem so bad. How many times have you said, “In a few months, we will look back on this and laugh?” Why wait?

CURIOSITY

The second character strength is Curiosity, an openness to experiences. Curiosity is connected to life satisfaction, a life of engagement, meaning, and good relationships. Parents and pet lovers enjoy watching their children or pets be curious, or at least I enjoy the privilege of these moments—the curiosity from my dog. Almost every morning, I walk my dog. Most of the time, we walk the same route so she can run. Every time we walk the same path, she is just as curious as the day before, smelling the greenery, rolling in the grass, or even sniffing the fire hydrant like it wasn’t there the day before. Her curiosity helps me savor the beauty of nature and reminds me to be just as curious in my day. Now, don’t get it twisted; nosiness is the overuse of curiosity. Any day is an excellent day to mind your business.

PERSPECTIVE

The last virtue on the tightrope is Perspective. It is typically associated with integrating other viewpoints or seeing the bigger picture. My grandmother always told me that what I want for myself is always smaller than what God has planned for me. Whether it is God, the Universe, or nothing, perspective can be the buffer against the adverse effects of stress, haters, detractors, or SSH, secret self-hating. An SSH isn’t a mean or malicious person but someone who is unknowingly afraid of what’s in the forest and finds it easy to focus on the greenery that lines the start of the forest. Consider reframing the thoughts with reflection. I challenge you to ask yourself, “If not now, when?

WISDOM TIGHTROPE AROMATIC RECIPE

One (1) Nasal Atomizer

Lemon, Citrus limonum

3 drops

Vetiver, Vetivera zizanioides

2 drops

Ylang Ylang, Canaga odorata

1 drop

When using Canaga odorata , care must be taken with extremely low blood pressure. An alternative essential oil is Melissa officinalis (1 drop).

An inhalation method offers an immediate response within seconds following inhalation. A nasal atomizer is a great option because it is small and compact. One can easily use it without disturbing others, and it is a great brain break!. These scents will bring inner contentment to accept and lift your spirits while clearing the inner conflict of the overactive mind so you can better self-ground.

Wisdom Tightrope Affirmation

"I am a work in progress"

Elevate the scents and affirmation with this 40-second mindfulness exercise:

Close your eyes. Inhale the scent. 20 seconds of slow deep breaths respecting the inhale and exhale and the ability to do so. Then smile and state the affirmation: I am a work in progress.

Wisdom Tightrope Journal Theme

It is okay to be a work in progress (WIP)

Journal Prompt

"I give myself permission"

MTO Lean In Series: Part III

renii@mindescapevibe.com (Renii Modisette) — Mon, 02 Sep 2024 17:46:12 GMT

This month's blog post features Part III of the MTO Lean in Series. In this edition, we discuss the virtue of Justice and two-character strengths. To learn more about VIA character strengths, please visit the VIA Institute.

There are three-character strengths associated with Justice, and for this edition, I have chosen to focus on Leadership and Fairness. Leadership is about how we present ourselves. Are we on autopilot, just going through the motions, or are we present in the moment, making a transformational impact? Fairness should be approached with grace. Let's start with Self.

Self-Talk: Leadership and Fairness

We control our inner critic, so if it's on autopilot, our mindset is likely focused on getting things done right, with failure not being an option. When we fall short of these self-imposed expectations, our inner critic can be judgmental or even borderline cruel, replaying what was left unfinished, the mistakes made, or the interpretation of the outcome inviting in the Mindset Misfits. Consider the following approach instead:

Take time to self-monitor by reviewing your inner critic's job description. Ensure that your inner critic's duties and responsibilities align with fairness (grace). Instead of thinking "I have to get every item done on my to-do list by the end of the day," set goals for the day. Check the progress of the day's goals at a specific time to re-evaluate each item's priorities.

Instead of feeling frustrated about the number of unfinished items on the list or those that must be reprioritized, enlist self-reinforcement by hiring contract staff like the Mindset Cheerleaders, the first cousins of the Mindset Misfits, to celebrate what you've achieved and your ability to PEDAL: prioritize, evaluate, delegate, accept, and lead . There is great satisfaction in the PEDAL.

INSTRUCTIONS FOR USE : Add distilled water to the 1 oz bottle. Add the 5, 4, 1 essential oil drops. Shake well. Waterfall mist above the head, avoiding contact with eyes, before evaluating your to-do list, and during scheduled reprioritization during the day. Take a deep breath each time before you begin.

The blend will increase your ability to problem-solve and focus, and dismantle overthinking and mental chatter.

No longer being your own worst critic, no more second guessing and third rethinking.

Journal Theme:

I approach everyday with an open mind.

Journal Prompt:

I am...

MTO Series Part II: Humanity & Transcendence

renii@mindescapevibe.com (Renii Modisette) — Mon, 05 Aug 2024 01:10:33 GMT

The August blog post is a continuation of the MTO Lean In series the virtues of Humanity and Transcendence along with two character strengths for each virtues. To learn more about VIA character strengths, please visit ViA Institute .

Humanity has three-character strengths: love, kindness, and social intelligence. Each is important to igniting Mental Victory Vibe Action®, beginning with extending grace to ourselves and others. There is a Grey's Anatomy clip over nine years old. In the clip, Amelia Shepherd is standing in a Superhero pose when her intern walks in, then asks, "What are you doing?" Amelia explained to the intern about a scientific study on the pose linked to confidence and better performance. Why is that important in this context? Amelia activated Mental Victory Vibe Action® by:

Love – in a healthy way while at work to give self-doubt a different job.
Kindness- the surgery Amelia was to perform had several risk including death, but Amelia chose to view the risk using a different dimension of kindness.
Social intelligence- the Superhero pose put her in a different frame of mind by stopping the mental chatter, evoking mental clarity, so she could perform at her highest level.

Each day, we face a challenge at work, at home, or out in public. We choose how we respond, but your response will be different if you are irritated, frustrated, or have racing thoughts. Take time to do your superhero pose to give irritability, frustration, or mental chatter a different job, so you can understand your kindness dimension, and redirect any actions that diminish your light.

Physically, ignoring the signs and walking in limiting beliefs that effect humanity could open the door for a transactional experience, or autopilot, which could contribute to adrenal fatigue, headache, bloating, or bubble guts (yes, I said it) because social intelligence is overused resulting in over-analyzing the situation, and mental replays.

Transactional vs Transformational

The next virtue is Transcendence. I like Humanity and Transcendence as partners or colleagues because the experience changes from transactional to transformational. Transcendence evokes feelings of joy, hope, and happiness. A few character strengths for Transcendence are Gratitude, Humor, Appreciation of Beauty & Excellence:

Gratitude: an attitude of thankfulness. Identify what you are grateful for today, this week, and your life. Challenge yourself by joining the July Gratitude Attitude Challenge. See our Feature for the month.
Humor: playfulness, laughter, seeing the lighter side. Humor relates to pleasure/positive emotions.
Appreciation of Beauty & Excellence- Seeing the life behind things; awe or admiration.

Consider how Transcendence can help in the workplace. Firstly, we can adapt a positive climate of compassionate behaviors for ourselves and others without feeling that we must be perpetually happy, which enables forgiveness for missteps and mistakes. Secondly, we position ourselves to celebrate achievements, amplify a positive outlook, and replace annoyance with laughter. Lastly, we latch onto faith in this life, turning up an appreciation for ourselves and others.

The Superhero Pose Diffuser Blend:

The blend is proactive to help balance, seek to understand, is grounding, and strengthens.

5 drops: Roman Chamomile
3 drops Lemongrass
5 drops Frankincense
4 drops Lavender

Instructions: Ensure your diffuser is clean; add water and essential oils. Diffuse for one hour in the morning to set the intention for the day and one hour in the evening to recalibrate.

The blend erupts with hints of citrus, shifting the mind, aids the gut with the Roman Chamomile, ignites determination with Frankincense, and soothes the process with Lavender.

Roman Chamomile, Chamaemelum nobile, calms the large intestine, antsiness, workaholicism, excessive worry, and perfectionism.
Lemongrass, Cymbopogon citratus , supports the thymus gland to energize and inspire personal power and inner strength.
Frankincense, Boswellia carterii, enhances breathing to ignite self-awareness, discipline, and strengthen faith.
Lavender, Lavandula augustifolia, is a nerve pain reliever that calms the nerves, reduces stress and inflexibility, and ignites inner peace and connection.

Up until today, I loved myself when, NOW, I love myself in spite of. This affirmation is great for mirror work.

Standing in the mirror, saying the affirmation, pay attention to how you feel before and after, don't judge, and savor the moment. Over time, you will be surprised how your mirror work evolves. The affirmation can be used as part of mirror work.

Mirror work is a Self experience. It offers you an opportunity to focus on self-forgiveness, self-acceptance, self-trust, self-love, and self-care. What words will you choose today?

Journal Theme: Prioritize Me

Journal Prompt: Prioritizing me means...

MTO Lean In Series Part I

renii@mindescapevibe.com (Renii Modisette) — Fri, 05 Jul 2024 21:25:07 GMT

Often, the competing priorities of the day may have us in a choke hold because the desire to accomplish, mark off, or offer a supportive extension is the want; however, the day gets away from us. In those times, remember to lean on your character strengths and virtues. Character strengths and virtues are related to personal values. Established by the VIA, Values in Action, Institute , there are six virtues and 24-character strengths. Knowing your strengths is beneficial when seeking to understand and interpret meaning and reactions in times when our stress is higher than usual.

The June edition of the Aroma begins the MTO Lean In series discussing the six virtues along with a small subset of the character strengths. This month’s virtue is Temperance and the two character strengths and offer essential oils recipes, journal prompts, and Energy Affirmations to aid as you continue to add to your MTO Toolkit.

The first virtue is Temperance along with two of the four-character strengths are forgiveness and humility. Forgiveness means letting go of things that no longer serve you. Limiting beliefs are learned or self-imposed rules that one has accepted as true. Sometimes, with the acceptance as true, it can become difficult to move past or reframe. One may avoid, procrastinate, or talk yourself out of the thing. One may feel personally attacked, resulting in derogatory and negative thoughts.

Humility-taking an accurate self-assessment and knowing your limitations. Taking time to do a self-assessment helps to know one’s limitations or consider the root cause of a reaction to, response during, or after a situation. Taking time to reflect allows for an opportunity to truly evaluate the root cause of your response because you were at capacity. When overused, one can appear self-deprecating or critical of oneself. Opening the door for mindset misfits .

Mindset Misfit Eviction Diffuse Oil Recipe:

5 drops Black Pepper

5 drops Ylang Ylang

5 drops Bergamot

The blend has a floral scent with hints of citrus with spicy undertones. Ylang Ylang is an immediate soother to aid with frustration, anxiety, or dismay. While the Bergamot is the pop of “Wow, yessss, I got this.” Finally, the Black pepper opens to the mind to solution-focus energy.

Black Pepper, Piper nigrum , is spicy. It aids the brain, body, and nervous system. Black pepper promotes blood circulation yet fosters clear thinking and emotional endurance to manage challenges. To avoid skin irritations, black pepper should be used with a carrier.

Ylang Ylang, Canaga odorata , is a powdery floral that is relaxing, sensualizing, and euphoric with supportive action for the heart when faced with nervous tension to calm the nervous system. When using Ylang Ylang, use caution with low blood pressure.

Bergamot, Citrus bergamina , is a sweet citrus that offers autonomic nervous system support. If you are feeling personally attacked, it can help with frustration, irritability, and mental clarity.

These essential oils are “I Feel” boosters for harmony, pleasure, and nurturing.

Instructions for Use:

Use the blend as a preventative. For instance, diffuse the blend before the interaction or situation. Take three deep breaths.

“I feel calm and confident as I take on new challenges.”

“ Today, I am no longer my own worst critic. No more second and third rethinking. When I feel this way, I do this because…

Encouragement Reminder:

The affirmation and journal exercise will have a different meaning based on your circumstance. Keep in mind that letting go of limiting beliefs is freeing. Challenges and unplanned things happen. Breathe, feel, then tackle the challenge.

Remembering Your Why: Aromatherapy Early Pioneers

renii@mindescapevibe.com (Renii Modisette) — Fri, 24 May 2024 13:03:20 GMT

Remembering your why can be helpful when recalibrating or reestablishing MTO KPIs. It’s an opportunity to refuel to keep going. One’s why is personal and can be the catalyst for blocking out the noise to begin to prioritize.

In this blog post, I will discuss early pioneers of aromatherapy and how essential oils and herbs were used to promote self-love, refuel, and keep going. As you continue to revisit MTO KPIs, consider a custom blend that will serve as your catalyst to block out the noise.

Egyptians are among the early pioneers of aromatherapy. They used fragrant plants for medicinal and spiritual purposes. For instance, they smudged with smoldering herbs during prayer, meditation, clearing, and healing. Egyptians also used plant essences in fixed oils through maceration, pulverization, soaking, burning, fermentation, water-based infusion, decoction, and lotions.

It’s said that the Queen of Sheba, whose empire included upper Egypt and Ethiopia, brought frankincense, Boswellia carterii , and myrrh, Commiphora myrrha , when meeting King Solomon.

Frankincense, Boswellia carterii , is said to rekindle inner light of the mind, helping to break free, and encourage tranquility and insight.
Myrrh, Commiphora myrrha , also has calming effects on the nervous system to sooth, ground, and heighten self-awareness.

It is said King Solomon became captivated by the Queen of Sheba, so he built a crystal palace for her visits and washed it down with fragrant floral waters. When the couple married, wedding gifts included cinnamon, cassia, an altar of roses and neroli, sandalwood, aloe vera, olive oil, and sweet almond oil.

Egyptians used essential oils to attract good influences and assist divination. The dried leaves of Lemon Verbena, Aloysia thriphylla , were burned to promote deep thought, aiding in self-reflection and boosting self-esteem when one felt overwhelmed. Lemon verbena has cardioprotective properties. Emotionally, we hold the emotions of love (of self and others), rejection, fear of loss, loss of happiness, joy, and grief in the heart and circulatory system. According to Louise Hay’s book Heal Your Body , circulation issues are related to the ability to feel and express your emotions in a positive way.

Myrtle, Myrtus communis , was used in early Egypt for physical ailments but also to inspire peace and invite blessings and generosity. Emotionally, its homeostatic properties aid with conflicting emotions and letting go.

Recommended Essential oils to ignite self-love and clearing:

Clary Sage, Salvia sclarea , has aphrodisiac and euphoric properties, and is also an antidepressant and nervine. It’s effective for calming the mind and easing tension. While the essential oil is also a heart tonic for racing thoughts, mood swings, and stress, it strengthens and relaxes for a mental-emotional uplift. Do not use this essential oil if you have estrogen-dominant cancers.

Black Pepper, Piper nigrum , has aphrodisiac and stimulant properties. Black Pepper helps with circulation, heart health, lymphatic congestion, and is a digestive aid. We carry worry in the large intestines, so the antispasmodic properties along with the circulatory benefits promote clear thinking, concentration, gut-brain communication, and inspiration. This essential oil must be used with a carrier oil or it will cause skin irritations.

Sweet Marjoram, Origanum marjorana , a camphoraceous and warm essential oil has calmative and mild diuretic properties to balance and calm the nerves. The essential oil can sooth the Qi-energy in the chest, regulating the heart. Ancient Egyptians used the oil as a traditional funeral herb to help accept loss. But the essential oil is also said to be an Herb of Love helping restore our power to give. Overuse may contribute to low blood sugar and decreased libido.

Essential Oil Recommendations to Reduce Cortisol Levels

renii@mindescapevibe.com (Renii Modisette) — Thu, 25 Apr 2024 12:14:42 GMT

By now, Q2 is in full swing, and MTO KPIs can be challenging to maintain despite intentionality. It is not uncommon to say, “I’ll get to it later,” then three weeks later, one wonders where the time has gone without recalibrating or reestablishing MTO KPIs. One thing is guaranteed, and that stress remains while pushing through, getting it done, or handling it.

In this blog post, I will discuss cortisol, the stress hormone, and the effects of constant stress on the body and offer aromatic solutions.

What is Cortisol?

Cortisol and adrenaline are stress hormones produced in the adrenal glands. Both hormones help with severe stress, such as swerving to avoid striking an animal or suddenly slamming on your brakes in traffic to avoid an accident. The release of the stress hormone cortisol and its companion adrenaline activates fight-or-flight, heightening instinct, and survival.

The release of cortisol should be temporary, and not lingering for days. Anger, chronic fear, or resentment extend the duration of the cortisol for longer periods, which can affect immunity, cause weight gain, digestive issues, affecting the sleep, or possibly unknowingly invite in poor health.

The Adrenal Glands

The adrenal glands are located above the kidneys. The adrenals work hard to produce cortisol and can become exhausted trying to keep up. As a result, someone can experience adrenal fatigue or exhaustion.

Recalibrate

Find your joy. One of many solutions is essential oils that bring joy, uplift, ground, and calm nerves, to reduce stress. They are commonly referred to as adaptogen essential oils.

I’ve found that being aware of my most stressful times of the day and using essential oils helps me redirect and offer a brain break to control negative thoughts or reactions.

Essential Oils Recommendations to Reduce Cortisol

Vetiver, Vetiveria zizanoides , has a deep and earthy scent. It comes from the root of a weeping grass. It has anti-inflammatory, antioxidant, and nervine properties that promote relief of chronic stress, grounding, and immunity and is a circulatory stimulant.

May Chang, Litsea cubeba , is a fruit with a lemony scent and herbaceous undertones. The essential oil has antispasmodic, anti-depressive, and diuretic properties that improve mental fatigue and brain fog, uplift, and help manage stress.

Ylang Ylang, Cananga odorata , is a powdery and sweet floral. The essential oil comes from a tropical tree. It has aphrodisiac (self-love), anti-inflammatory, and cardiotonic properties that regulate a stirred-up nervous system.

Eucalyptus, Eucalyptus radiata , a camphoraceous evergreen tree with a sweet scent, has many species. The essential oil has antispasmodic, febrifuge, and stimulant properties that help strengthen the immune system.

MTO Featured Product

MTO Body Butter is a nourishing moisturizer formulated with adaptogen essential oils. It’s not oily and has a smooth, absorbing texture that can be used on the skin, especially the area of the adrenal glands.

Learn more about MTO Body Butter.

KPIs and Expectations

renii@mindescapevibe.com (Renii Modisette) — Wed, 06 Mar 2024 13:25:27 GMT

KPIs are in full effect, and with that, we still must manage our stress, our expectations for ourselves, and the expectations of others. It sounds logical and straightforward, really, but is it? In this post, I will offer on-the-go aromatics and affirmation prompts for you to consider throughout your day.

ACCEPTING SUCCESS

It’s not uncommon to do the opposite of accepting success since one most often considers the challenges of getting from point A to point B. However, think about it, starting with accepting success alters the mental rollercoaster since one is setting the expectations to celebrate the wins or losses. There is great power in controlling your mental narrative. Consider these prompts as you begin. Keep it simple to either become clear on the expectations for yourself or manage the expectations of others.

I UNDERSTAND
I SEE
I SPEAK
I LOVE
I DO
I FEEL
I AM

Occasionally, one may require a boost to uplift and break through the fog to gain mental clarity. To do this, why not try a Nasal Atomizer? A nasal atomizer is a quick and easy-on-the-go aromatic lift for all ages.

New If you should choose to try a nasal atomizer , here are a few recommendations.

Don’t get fancy. One essential oil should do the trick, especially if you have minimal experience with essential oils. The common calmative essential oil is lavender. After removing the cotton insert, add a few drops, place it back into the sleeve, shake it up, and enjoy.
Not comfortable with doing it yourself. Many trained aromatherapists are familiar with the benefits of nasal atomizers. Consider seeking a certified aromatherapist to discuss the goals you want to achieve using a nasal atomizer. Have the aromatherapist prepare a blend for you.

The great part about a nasal atomizer, especially if one works in an open office space, is that the scent won’t disturb others, but you have what you need.

BRINGING IT ALL TOGETHER

New Accept Success from the beginning using words that ignite your flame. Consider the words you say to yourself using prompts to manifest your desired outcome. It’s not to say there won’t be challenges, but redirecting how you approach them is vital. Check out the March Marvelous Inspirational Quotes and Scent Recommendations. Add it to your MTO KPIs.

What's in Your MTO Toolkit?

renii@mindescapevibe.com (Renii Modisette) — Mon, 29 Jan 2024 18:00:53 GMT

Autopilot, say what?

As quickly as the new year arrives and new initiatives begin, so does time. With time, one may soon gravitate to, even without intention, autopilot. Here are a few tools to add to your MTO toolkit, to help to manage autopilot after detecting when it is on and then turning it off to be present in the moment and savor MTO.

Topical and external application methods formulated with essential oils are a great addition to your toolkit. Yep! But with great joy comes greater responsibility, so it is imperative to ensure that carrier oils are formulated in the blend.Carrier oils help to protect our skin from irritations since essential oils are potent. Ask! If you have a morning, evening, or nightly routine, consider adding a topical method that includes essential oils as part of your MTO KPIs for physical and emotional well-being.

Body Butter and Balms

Consider a Body Butter, whether whipped or not; physically, a nourishing body butter should offer deep moisturization. Additional benefits are increased circulation and oxygenation of our skin tissue. For instance, Mind Escape Vibe offers a whipped body butter that is calmative, which means it helps to calm and simultaneously help with one's mood. The blend's essential oils help balance mood, lower cortisol levels, and work as a nervine and glandular supporter, aiding the body as a cooling adaptogen to help with hot flashes.

Balms have a solid consistency, and depending on the balms, they will have a specific intention, such as sore muscles or relieve pain like low back pain or joint pain. Mind Escape Vibe's Soothing Balm is made with natural hemp oil and essential oils with analgesic, anti-inflammatory, and soothing properties that help with low back pain, joint pain, sore muscles, and nerve pain.

Solutions Are Great, but let’s not forget about Essential Oils 101!

Citrus essential oils uplift and invigorate while also offering physical benefits. Most citrus essential oils are photosensitive, meaning that there could be discoloration once applied to the skin and then exposed to the sun. It is recommended to avoid sun exposure for 9-12 hours. For instance, Pink Grapefruit, Citrus paradisi is a citrus essential oil. A few properties for the essential oil include diuretic, cardiotonic, and immune stimulating properties. Pink Grapefruit can help with edema and lymphatic drainage. Hormonally, the essential oil can help with high or low estrogen, low progesterone, high or low cortisol, high insulin and low thyroid.

Floral essential oils are light and dainty; many have calmative and restorative properties and are commonly used in perfume and colognes. Although many florals are non-irritating, there can be some contraindications. It would help if you read the label to ensure you know the contraindications for yourself or teens. Consider Ylang Ylang, Canaga odorata which has cardiotonic and heart tonic properties among many other properties. Ylang Ylang can aid with adrenal exhaustion, high or low estrogen, high cortisol, high insulin, and low thyroid, but its contraindication is to use caution with low blood pressure.

Woodsy essential oils are heavy and grounding. Most woodsy essential oils center the blend and center the individual. It's the "sigh" of the blend. When combined with citrus and florals, woodsy essential oils enhance the powerful properties of the formulation. Take Cypress, Cupressus sempervirens, and its benefits for the circulatory and lymphatic system , the essential oil promotes homeostasis, lymphatic drainage, and enhances circulation.

Spicy essential oils and their circulatory benefits such as its ability to induce heat, help to stimulate circulation and lymphatic function, allow for better blood flow and blood pressure function, and calm irregular heartbeats and palpitations. An essential oil that I absolutely adore is Black Pepper, Piper nigrum with its diuretic properties, also good for heart health, and lymphatic congestion.

Camphoraceous essential oils are minty, cool, and refreshing. Camphoraceous essential oils enhance our ability to breathe especially if one feels emotionally suffocated or overwhelmed, while offering physical benefits for multiple body systems. For instance, Rosemary, Rosmarinus officinalis , also an herbaceous essential oil has supportive benefits for the circulatory system with its cardiotonic and diuretic properties; the essential oil helps with poor circulation, lymphatic drainage, and adrenal support.

Do you have a question about essential oils? Submit your question, here .

The Stress of It All

renii@mindescapevibe.com (Renii Modisette) — Tue, 31 Oct 2023 17:40:34 GMT

The Journey

It's been a minute since I've put words on a page, and it feels great! Over the last several months, I embarked on a journey to become a professional aromatherapist. I have learned so much about the physical, mental, and emotional benefits of essential oils. So much so that my daily self-care ritual includes using my oil blends every day while seeing and enjoying the emotional impact of soul healing, inner contentment, and peace. Physically, the aromatic blend, Temperance, has helped me with headaches and stress.

Headaches: The Stress of It All

It is no secret that headaches bring their own set of challenges when one has prioritized tasks for the day. Headaches can be debilitating even if one has the best intentions. If the headache is behind the eyes, it is related to tension and stress. However, headaches at the back of the neck and head are stress, spine, and nerve-related or physical because of a lack of minerals. To learn more about minerals and nutrition, check out a great certified nutritionist, Danielle Jones , who can help one understand self-care through nutrition.

Along with a nutrition solution, an aromatic blend can be helpful, like a stress reduction and emotional balance booster, Temperance . An aromatherapy blend intended for mental clarity and reducing stress, mood swings, and nervousness.

Bergamot and Frankincense are essential oils in the Temperance aromatherapy blend. Bergamot helps with anxiety, while Frankincense assists with grounding, but both aid the Nervous System.

Time to Listen

Our bodies tell us when something is wrong, and we should listen to our bodies. If not now, when?

When listening to our bodies, do so with grace and understanding. Learning is part of living. Our sense of smell, the Olfactory System, stimulates a positive and memorable response in just ONE second. Think about a dish you or someone close to you has cooked. Maybe it is a family recipe that mom, dad, or grandma made that you'd driven 5 hours in anticipation of tasting, or perhaps it's a holiday dish that you prepare every year. With the memory, can you smell it? That's your Olfactory System and Limbic System, the regulator of emotions and transformer of thoughts into action, at work!

What if it’s a migraine?

If you experience migraines, a custom blend is a great option. When contemplating a custom blend, the conversation includes a comprehensive assessment, like the location of the migraine and health history, to ensure the custom aromatherapy blend is formulated to meet your unique needs to avoid contraindications.

Mind Escape Vibe™ offers MTO™ stress management solutions to promote Mental Victory Vibe™ Action to put ourselves first for 15 minutes a day.

Mindfulness in the Workplace

renii@mindescapevibe.com (Renii Modisette) — Mon, 01 May 2023 09:37:43 GMT

Sorry You Are On Mute

What is mindfulness? For several years, I asked the same question. In fact, I was surprised the term “mindfulness” existed. Mindfulness is being aware, being present in the moment, and understanding one’s own thoughts and behaviors. Then, I wondered why mindfulness was essential. As time went on, I realized that mindfulness is important because I can only control myself, not others. I learned how I choose to react, and what I say in times of discomfort or moments of joy is owned by me. This month’s topic on the podcast is Corporate Women Speak about Mindfulness in the Workplace. The discussions offer relatable guidance since many women feel they should’ve been nominated for a Grammy after their workday or a Tony following a meeting.

My Story

When I was 20, I worked temporarily at a local hospital in Gary, Indiana. At the time, I was glad to be working, able to get my hair done, and buy what I wanted. I went to the said job with no expectations, except for the party after my workday. I had yet to learn what code-switching was and when to turn it on, how to approach unpleasantries amongst co-workers, or where to go for advice. While working that summer, I encountered an older woman who had worked in her role for more than 30 years; she was very opinionated about “this generation” and our work ethic. She often made subtle comments I perceived as offensive, but I kept my eye on the prize, 5 o’clock, and party time. However, one day, this woman made a comment that struck a nerve.

The Response

So, I emailed a friend in the office to vent about this woman. Unbeknown to me, after hitting send, the email went to the entire office. Immediately, my beeper went off, 9-1-1, from my friend in the office. That was our signal to meet me by the restroom. I got up because I was ready, Chile; I would say my piece. Instead, I walked into the “Why did you send an email about “this lady” to the entire office? Girl, she has been here a long time. Why?!”

The Consequence

Immediately, I was scared, my heartbeat increased, and my thoughts began to race. I didn’t send the email to my friend but to the entire department, including the woman who made the comments and the department head. In a full-blown panic, I walk back to my desk. In minutes, I received a call from the department head to come to his office. As soon as I enter and sit, he says, “You are fired.” He did not look up from the document he was reading or say goodbye.

The Outcome

Corporate women speaking about mindfulness in the workplace is essential. I wish I had someone to guide me at 20. Moreover, I wish I had guidance on how to handle my thoughts and feelings in the workplace. Furthermore, as I progressed in my career, I wanted someone to inform me that the expectations I set for myself should include thinking about me! That how I show up is a choice and that mindfulness honors my feelings and emotions, ultimately controlling how I respond to adversity in the workplace.

The May 2023 podcast edition: Corporate Women Speak: Maintaining Personal Empowerment and Mindfulness in the Workplace is for that girl, who had no one to guide to her, and for young adults or anyone navigating their workplace.

Hello May!

Three Steps to Manage Stress

renii@mindescapevibe.com (Renii Modisette) — Sun, 02 Apr 2023 16:26:53 GMT

The truth is stress is inevitable, but if one isn’t managing their stress, it will affect how one shows up daily and eventually an individual’s physical body. I don’t mean show-up as in I’ve arrived because I am obligated to, or I need this paycheck, so here I am. I mean, show up authentically despite frustration, irritation, or ambivalence. When I am afflicted with more than the normal stressors, my mind constantly analyzes the situation, but I immediately turn to three (3) solutions to help manage stress:

1. It is okay to feel emotions.

Be engaged in what is happening at the moment, whether pleasant or not. Disengaging does not alleviate the burden but instead gives it legs to hold space in the mind. Holding space to contemplate could have, would have, or should have. Those contemplations are meaningless but may result in prompting a reaction—a harsh response that is not so pleasant for you or the person on the receiving end.

2. Take a breath.

Engage your mind with breathing as your focal point. Take an opportunity to send the breath to the areas of your body that are heightened to begin to deactivate fight or flight yet stimulate the body to find your calm amid chaos.

3. Refuel your body and brain.

Consider what you really need. Is it a healthier food option or a play food option? A sip of water, then a one-minute visualization meditation. Refueling may involve all these options, but taking the time to do it is essential. It is vital to allow the opportunity to control your response or your reaction. It removes the daggers from your tongue to replace it with kindness. A kindness extended to yourself, as well as others. This chain reaction is empathy, which we all deserve.

I remember using a stressful situation to unleash my irritation about many things, plus the current situation. Most often, the snarky mood was directed toward someone close to me simply because they were there, in proximity. It does not make it right, but the reality is it happened. Over the years, I’ve learned that it is nobody’s fault that I’m stressed or that they are stressed. Instead, it is the reality of being human. It is the reality of existing in a fast-paced world with responsibilities and a to-do list. I’ve since changed my To-Do List to my Desire List. From there, I set small goals for the hour and the day. More importantly, I give myself grace because, God willing, I can resume the next day.

Courage In Self-Accountability

Mon, 27 Feb 2023 18:28:00 GMT

This month has been a whirlwind full of learnings and surprises. One thing’s for sure; I was not too fond of some of the learnings or surprises. In fact, I did not handle it very well. I daresay a few times I spiraled, but through God’s grace, I could see the growth I needed to keep elevating. It was through grace; I was courageous enough to be self-accountable. Steady myself. Plant my feed on the ground. I could take courage in being self-accountable.

Then, I sobbed. I needed to cleanse my heart. I wanted to rid my mind of negative thoughts. Ultimately, my tears were freedom. Courage to feel.

Indeed, for me, freedom of acknowledgment while, at the same time, owning that the learnings were hard. Subsequently, allowing me to build my growth muscle which brought on delayed muscle soreness (DOMS), but in this case, my DOMS was Determining Optimistically My Steps, so I could clearly see while extending self-compassion that being a work in progress is just that…work. Self-accountability to have the courage to increase self-compassion.

The courage and freedom to realize that it’s a marathon, not a sprint, even though I wanted it to be a sprint. However, I quickly grasped that the faster I ran, the more I fell, inflicting negative thinking in my mind like scraping my knee. It hurt. Despite the emotional injury, I still got back up to run faster, only to sustain another mental scrape and further mental strain like scraping the opposite knee and muscle strain. It wasn’t until the last mental injury that I was forced to sit down, recalculate, and rest so I could heal.

My Healing Process

Determination

My Ego Self and I had a sit-down, serious conversation. No longer could I allow negative self-talk about who, what, when, where, and how someone else hindered my progress. Typically, the statements in my mind begin with “if XXX hadn’t…” and “I can’t believe ABC said XYZ to me.”

Admittedly, I sat in that frame of mind for a few days despite knowing that staying was procrastination. Staying allowed fear and unreasonable self-imposed expectations to lead instead of pivoting. Seeking a different way. Celebrating what I’d accomplished and then continuing to move forward in the joyous life that God has planned for me.

Optimistically being Self-Accountable

I’d set personal expectations. In doing so, I gave myself little to no room to adjust. Yet again, I competed with myself. Consequently, I began to experience the throat, gut, and neck phenomena:

Lump in my throat!
Uneasiness in my gut!
Tension in my neck!

I was overwhelmed.

My Steps

Subsequently, I realized that I needed to re-evaluate my thoughts on how I needed to show up, why I felt I had something to prove, and the self-inflicted pressure birthed from being overwhelmed. So, I said the words out loud:

I am tired.
I am at capacity.

Firstly, it stopped the autopilot. Secondly, it enabled me to take a step back. Thirdly, I enjoyed taking a breath. Lastly, rediscovering the zest of being fully present in the moment.

Again, I reminded myself that self-acceptance is unapologetic. More importantly, I am reminded:

Self-Forgiveness releases limiting beliefs.
Self-Acceptance is taking time to be kind to my mind .
Self-Gratitude is finding happiness in the reprieve.
Self-Care is also self-regulation, and I must manage my behaviors, reactions, and feelings to things around me.
Self-Trust is loving myself through the process with determination and courage.
Self-Love is a persistence of seeing no limitations in believing in myself .

Hope: Permission to be Kind to Yourself

Fri, 27 Jan 2023 19:54:00 GMT

“I will get to when,” “I would be better if,” “I can’t start until,” “I gave up because”

By no means am I a biblical scholar. However, the nudges I received this week let me know that I had to write a blog post that reflects the direction that speaks to me. This month, my post is based on a specific scripture, Matthew 17:20, but begins with verses 15-18. Revisiting hope and how I can move past thoughts that disrupt my blessings.

The Story

A father brought his son to the disciples to cure his child but could not understand why they couldn’t perform the miracle like Jesus, which they, the disciples, voiced to Jesus. Jesus replies, “…they have no faith and are corrupt,” and then he cures the child. The order is slightly different, but you get the story’s context. Hope in a miracle.

The verse, Matthew 17:20:

“You don’t have enough faith. If you have the faith of a mustard seed, then it will move mountains.”

My Reflection:

On Wednesday, I woke up with self-doubt about financial abundance. I thought about my bills and investments then the feeling of self-doubt increased after I checked my bank account to see the available funds before going to the grocery store to purchase a few items. My life hasn’t always been easy, but I’d gotten to a certain level of comfort. Until now, Nana Naysayer quietly interfered but remained tamed because I provided for my children. Hope in stability kept Nana Naysayer at arm’s length.

Fast forward to now, my role from provider of many has changed. I am willing to take more risks since my children are grown and independently functioning in their own lives. Yet, the worry crept in. The phrases “they have no faith” and “you don’t have enough faith” struck me like being hit with water balloons while running down Clinton Street in Gary as a child. While at the same time, it reminded me to walk in faith for the purpose God gave me. Moreover, to allow the thoughts to come and go without judgment and to continue to thank Him in advance. Hope in my dreams without an age limit.

The Message

Indeed, at that moment, Nana Naysayer got a different job. Her new duty was to help me write this blog post, so I could share it with you. My message is to keep speaking your dream, desires and hopes into existence. Believe in yourself at every level, not just when things are going well.

Give Yourself Permission to Be Kind to Yourself

Despite the self-doubt, know that you are worthy.
Even I remind myself of this every day. For me, saying the words make all the difference. However, if you say the words aloud or internally, it’s kindness. Hope in yourself.
In addition, open your mind. Approach uncertainty or fear with an open mind to change how and what we manifest. To be closed off limits the ability to receive. So, start with self-forgiveness . Begin with one limiting belief that no longer serves you that is holding you captive from dreaming big. I can tell you this… it’s not one-and-done. It is a lifestyle like nutrition, and gentle movement. Hope in the promise of new beginnings.
Furthermore, change the narrative.
Instead of it’s always been this way, try “this is what I’ve done in the past, but I am willing to explore something new.” This is self-acceptance. Standing in self-acceptance means you no longer accept a reality that has “always been this way.” My walk began like a crawl; I gradually could stand. Next, I was able to walk. I stumbled and even fell a few times, but I kept getting up until my walk became a run. On days when I’m struggling, I extend myself grace because I know that small steps are progress. Hope in growth.
Also, seek a positive perspective .
Appreciate what works, what doesn’t, and what is in the works. When Nana Naysayer creeps in with a negative thought, reframe it into a positive thought. A great example is the words I say to myself when things aren’t progressing as fast as I want them to. I remind myself of why I started in the first place. I celebrate the small achievements I’ve experienced since beginning the task.

Most importantly, always remember WE are WORTHY !

Faith Bigger Than Me

Thu, 15 Dec 2022 21:38:00 GMT

As I write my last blog post in 2022, I can’t help but think about how I came into the year. I walked into this year nudged with a desire to free myself of limiting beliefs, myths that I’d concocted of how far I could go, mentally fervent in the mindset of standard definition. Initially igniting the practice of self-forgiveness while being adamantly reminded that God doesn’t want me to mistake baggage for blessings . Moving directly ahead to stand in self-acceptance and unleash the unapologetic me . Growing in this year to walk into the next with faith bigger than me.

This year I realized that reminiscing about childhood friendships , my great escape through reading, brought me joy. In addition to unequivocal gratitude for the support that came in many forms and the foundation, I carry with me established by Big Mama . There is no denying that my small steps were encouraged by Kaleb’s heart , which filled my cup with Mental Victory Vibes . In the same way, self-care currency should not become insufficient funds. Faith over fear!

Meanwhile, deciding to choose me . Subsequently, checking my posture , then giving myself permission to discover wholeness . Hence, purging what no longer served me, ultimately experiencing mental weight loss for the first time in a long time. I am filled with tenacity. Faith in the plan instead of a plan.

On the other hand, recalling the things my father taught me, beginning with acknowledging my why and considering me . My dad taught me to always show up as the best version of myself. Ultimately putting into practice , once again, that being enough is singular. I am ABLE . Faith that He got me!

Above all, I can write my story while owning my individuality. Even more when I accept my uniqueness. I am no longer running or nipping, tucking my originality to make others comfortable while my mental outfit is three sizes too small. Doubtlessly, chipping away the bricks laid for emotional protection-loving me in spite of. Reclaiming my passion to:

ACKNOWLEDGE my originality every day.
BELIEVE that a voice lost is regained.
LOVE me because it’s not selfish- it’s kind.
Be ENCOURAGE and cultivate joy, sadness, and forgiveness.

Accepting MORE as I determined what’s normal anyway in my new role as a parental consultant- an essential component to finding balance and setting boundaries . Establishing mutual respect and clarity about limitations, dealbreakers, or co-parenting with my daughter. Faith bigger than my fear of change!

My lawd! Then, I walked into VALUE season . Actually, realizing that I don’t have to show up like the eyewall of a hurricane , judging with destruction. I am okay with focusing on my eye by embracing days with milder wind gusts and days with thunderstorms and wind gusts greater than 90 mph. At last, I know I will be okay and not immobilized by the thunderstorms and high winds. Faith in the power of the all mighty!

I appreciate the person I am becoming. I have the strength, hope, and guidance of my ancestors. Abundance is my generational wealth. I strut in:

Vulnerability
Authenticity
Leading with Love
Uniqueness
Energy

Oh, but wait…I am in Receive It season . Redirection is God’s protection.

I intend to embrace the blessings on the way. Inventing in Me Time .

So, I can “ Keep elevating, sis !”

Self-Sabotage: The Effects of the Visit

Wed, 23 Nov 2022 18:15:00 GMT

Supportive Community: “Keep elevating, sis!”

Saboteur: “She finished another item on her list to build her business. I need to work harder at reminding her that she can’t make it.”

Sound familiar? Self-sabotage is the inner critic or saboteur whose goal is to remind you of what you can’t do, won’t do, and aren’t capable of being in this life. The inner voice puts you in a box of comfort and then panics when you step out of your comfort zone. It is the mind, subconscious, gravitating to the struggles or life lessons of your past, reminding you that you fought hard to move to the next level, don’t go back.

However, growth in life is change, and it is not stagnant. Comfort is great, but the elevation is fantastic.

My Inner Saboteur

Ironically, my inner saboteur shows up in the early morning hours during my time of reflection. It disrupts my moments to set my intention by clouding me with self-doubt and fear of the unknown. With that in mind, my inner saboteur brought me back to my desire to be a mom that provides for her family at all costs, which for me, now truly focuses on ensuring generational wealth. It brought me back to my innate instinct to survive with my primal desire to feed, clothe, and fight for the best life possible. Although my children are adults, I consider myself their sounding board and a place of safety. But, when self-doubt creeps in, then the self-sabotage hashtag—#satisfaction is used by my saboteur!

In the same way, my saboteur screams at me about the uncertainties associated with entrepreneurship. Subsequently evoking memories with tears of times when I could barely feed my children or pay my light bill. Afterward, the most remarkable thing happened. First, gradually, as the anxiety subsided, then I saw that during those times, I made it even with only just enough. Self-sabotage defeat to my saboteur.

Facing the Saboteur Head-on!

Each time I move forward to the next task as an entrepreneur, my saboteur discovers an avenue. Loudly repeating over and over that I am limited to the type of life I envision for myself. Moreover, in the same tone, it reminds me how much money I didn’t make this month, and the potential ramifications. Nevertheless, a fire ignites within me to grind harder than I did the day before. Ultimately seeking to visualize a successful day fueled with support from my community. A self-sabotage major setback to my saboteur. Then, this happens from my saboteur:

“How can I distract her from elevating?”Indeed, my saboteur knows when to show up and how to speak to me. My saboteur knows how to tell me what I haven’t accomplished instead of celebrating wins.
“This dream of yours probably won’t happen.”My saboteur is very clever. You can likely say the same for yours when you recognize it.
“I worry about you. I want the best for you.”An expression of concern for well-being becomes the running narrative of self-doubt with intermittent thoughts of not continuing. Above all, when this occurs, embrace the sentiment as “I want you to be a success. I love you ” and rebuke “I am not enough.” The truth is you are enough, and you have what it takes to do what you need to define success on your terms.

Take a Stand

Again, does this sound familiar?

Unfortunately, it’s a voice that never goes away; nonetheless, I intend to keep moving forward, infusing my mind with anti-positive thoughts while at the same time acknowledging that I’m scared, but I won’t give up! Self-sabotage won’t win today!

These are thoughts I will have to face often. Here are two strategies that I put into practice to empower myself when my saboteur is sitting on my chest like my 16-pound Frenchie, ready to start the day:

– Community of like-minded individuals who encourage me – if you seek a community, feel free to join the Me Time with Mind Escape Vibe private community on Facebook .

– Acknowledging my feelings brings me closer to knowing my saboteur so much that I know what it looks like, the sound of its voice, and the time it will show up.

Most importantly, celebrate what you’ve learned and how far you’ve come! No one has all the answers, and despite Google, it doesn’t mean those are the correct answers for you. (No offense, Google!)

If your struggle with your saboteur but you want to build strategies to shift your mindset during times of its visit, then this is for you. You are not alone. It is time to take inventory your Self-Love Kit! Book a complimentary consultation to learn more about GLADness Self-Love Program. I am rooting for you! Talk soon.

Growth Mindset verses Mindset Misfits

Fri, 04 Nov 2022 18:58:00 GMT

Even in a season of manifesting blessings, my mind can make me feel or believe procrastination is dedication. In the midst of moving forward, it is funny but not funny how a single thought can shift me from propelling to procrastinating. Subsequently, pondering when did my mindset misfits family, the first cousins of Nana Naysayer, drop me off at the doorstep of intimidation and thought distortion?

This week, the following statements led me to sit at the traffic light while green in Florida. Meanwhile, the occupants of the surrounding vehicles expressed gentle (not so much) gestures to put my foot on the gas:

“That is a whole lot of pages to read to know how to do XXX. I’ll put it aside for when I have more time.”
“I want to get to it, but XXX came up, so I will focus on this for right now.”
“I can’t start until….”

Moreover, I believe it’s a belief system holding me back, which means I must address my mindset misfits. Furthermore, I know pulling out the affirmations and standing in the mirror means nothing if I give a sliver of credibility to my mindset misfit cousins.

To be specific, my 2022 roadmap includes launching a YouTube channel. I have watched multiple videos, which were extremely helpful. As a result, I improved my camera and lighting, banner, and introduction. I’ve even written my talking points, but I’m yet to upload the video. Each day, I’ve had one reason or another for not uploading the video, like I need more content or a better introduction, but the truth- is I am a bit intimidated.

To begin with, the intimidation I feel about uploading the introduction video results from being stuck on perfection while ultimately knowing that perfection doesn’t exist. Because of this, I revert to being only as good as I prove myself to be. What does this mean?

It means it is time for shadow work. Shadow work is working with my subconscious mind to discover what parts of myself I’m hiding, ignoring, or disliking. The intent of Receive It season is to embrace the blessings on the way. With this in mind, avoiding conversations with my mindset misfit cousins creates blockages hindering my path to abundance.

I started with the following:

Alternate nostril breathing to calm my mind, ignite mental quickness and constructive action
I asked myself what I wanted. Do I really want a channel?
I noted all my fears and objections
For the objections that required more research to increase my confidence, I blocked an allotted amount of time on my calendar to do more research
For each fear, I addressed each by free writing (no punctuation or concern with grammar), then I read each aloud to acknowledge my feelings
I gave fear and objection a new job
Fear became research
Objection became study
Realigned with my goals

Although welcome, I said farewell to my mindset misfit family. Consequently, allowing me to appreciate their visit and rebuke thought distortion and procrastination.

Who can relate?

If your mindset misfit cousins have outstayed their welcome, I can help! My GLADness Program will help you with strategies to address blockages so you can ignite abundance. Book a free consultation today.

Discernment: Mistaking Baggage for Blessings

Fri, 28 Oct 2022 18:59:00 GMT

Receive It season has a prerequisite. The prereq is discernment. Discernment is the ability to judge well, wisdom. Having a good intuitive sense requires the ability to distinguish the truth of the gut feeling. With this in mind, be reminded not to mistake baggage for blessings. For this reason, grab your self-love kit. Take inventory. Is discernment in it?

When I was a small child, my parents helped me with discernment. For instance, my mom would always warn me, “hey, don’t touch the stove. It’s hot, and you will burn yourself.” At the time, she knew I was impulsive about doing things that I wanted to do at that age. Of course, she knew my curiosity was not related to defying her, but I wanted to know if the stove was hot. First, I plotted. Curiously watched her every move and waited until she was not looking, then touched the stove. Next, I burned the tip of my fingers on my right hand.

Consequently, she turned around then said, “I told your ass not to touch the stove. That’s what you get. Now come here so I can look at it.”

Finally, I learned that touching the stove wasn’t the jam. I’m not too fond of tingling fingertips, and I wouldn’t say I like the smell of the home remedy applied to help soothe the burn. Above all, I learned redirection is God’s protection. My first of many lessons in not mistaking baggage for blessings.

Furthermore, as I grew older, the influencers changed from my parents to my shoulder companions, Nana and ReRe. Somehow Nana Naysayer gradually had more clout. Primarily because my maiden, one of the four female archetypes, was out of balance. I began to focus on the opinions of others and think my way was the only thus affecting my discernment.

“Ohh wee (shaking the head side-to-side) that is not going to end well”- sound familiar?

Subsequently, I had to willingly put in the work necessary to discover myself to restore balance. By the same token, starting is the most challenging part because the discovery along the way is only sometimes pleasant. It’s insightful, but there will be unpleasant moments. However, I take comfort in knowing that each lesson learned, or life experience gained builds discernment, even if I don’t always get it right. Besides, if I held onto baggage, how could I see the blessings?

Indeed, the truth is discernment doesn’t happen overnight. As a matter of fact, every day is a new day to practice better judgment or to grab hold of wisdom acquired over time. Every day is an opportunity to:

Find awe
Grow self-trust
Delve into who you are and what makes you happy
Grasp your uniqueness

I concede that as I grew in discernment, I became more optimistic and less pessimistic, and ReRe Positive’s clout grew while Nana Naysayer’s diminished more.

More importantly, remember that Receive It season is not about instant gratification but about putting in the work to manifest abundance, live life freely , and honor the blessings coming your way.

If your maiden is drama-driven, focused on others’ opinions of you, and thinks your way is the only way, then you are out of balance. My GLADness Program will help you with strategies to restore your balance so you can find wonder, develop self-trust, and embrace your uniqueness. Book a free consultation today.

Blessings: Receive It!

Fri, 21 Oct 2022 16:11:00 GMT

Welcome to the season of Receive it! Subsequently, this season is retroactive from October 1st. Along the way, I’ve walked into my VALUE Season, balanced my scales, and now I am receiving the bountiful blessings coming my way. No doubt that time waits for no one. In fact, while I am sitting around waiting, contemplating, and procrastinating, time keeps on keepin’ on. But I am here today, blessed, refreshed, and ready to receive!

This year, I embarked on initiatives I’d only thought of or even dreamed about doing. I found a fire that unapologetically unleashed the spirits of pain, happiness, fear, excitement, and shame. As those spirits surfaced, I encountered several emotions, just like walking a rugged path covered in debris to come onto this fantastic view of the water with a marvelous sky that immediately released endorphins manifesting prosperity, hope, and encouragement .

This month, I took the opportunity to relax, rejuvenate, and celebrate another year. In doing so, I allotted time to reflect. While reflecting, I realized my fear of the unknown sometimes results in procrastination. Furthermore, I find every reason put action on the back burner and to deflect. Ironically, a thing happens, to clarify, a powerful something happens, which is a tug or a nudge that continues to increase its force.

Not only that, but I also put pressure on myself to blend in instead of standing out. Most often, to avoid or attempt to tame the tug or nudge. Unfortunately, over time, I become more uneasy by doing this. In the same way, if I ignore the feeling, the lump in my throat continues to tighten. Sound familiar? In short, it’s intuition.

What is intuition? Well, have you ever been told to follow your gut? Yes. Then that’s your intuition. Most often, the gut feeling is ignored for fear of making a mistake, upsetting what’s already broken, or Nana Naysayers whispering in your ear—distracting you from receiving the blessings awaiting you!

However, the flip side to following your intuition may result in mental weight loss , breathing, or a SIGH of relief. It could open doors that have been cracked for you, except you did not see the crack because Nana Naysayer told you it was not a cracked door of opportunity. Ultimately, subconsciously convincing you that receiving blessings was not meant for you!

Indeed, common, somewhat perplexing, but not insurmountable. For me, listening to my intuition led me to mix results like:

Starting a blog
Obtaining my Self-Love coaching certification from an internationally accredited program,
Accepted entry into the Intuitive Eating Counselor program
Growing my business to include personal development coaching for women
Meeting great likeminded people

Or even new business mishaps like:

Overpayment for a service or technology
Underestimating my skills and abilities
Here today but gone tomorrow opportunities

Above all, even with the mishaps, my self-worth grew. I saw that I could, even if the outcome wasn’t what I expected. And that my friends, my accountability advocates , help to propel me forward.

Moreover, accepting that I can and embrace self-trust despite fear of the unknown.

Welcome to RECEIVE IT season! I am rooting for you!

If you struggle with listening to your intuition or allowing Nana Naysayer to live rent-free in your mind, consequently sitting on your shoulder, in a onesie, guiding your decisions, I am here to help! My GLADness program will offer three strategies to help you:

Embrace self and body with kindness
Honor your strengths by establishing Me Time
Ignite loving yourself as you are

More importantly, give Nana Naysayer a different job description and title of ReRe Positive.

It is not to say there will be days where you won’t need to grasp grace on days of uncertainty, challenge, and even sadness. But you will obtain the strategies to continue to walk through the times GLADness filled.

It is time to RECEIVE the blessings you deserve ! Book a free consultation .

Delayed Gratification: I Made It

Fri, 14 Oct 2022 20:49:00 GMT

I am blessed to have celebrated another birthday! Especially since there was a time, I thought I would not make it to 50. Now that I have made it to 51, I am thankful daily. However, amid the celebration, I was stressed about this birthday. Like really worried, and I think it due to my impending travel. Probability of delayed flight and delayed gratification.

Since starting my mindfulness practice, I wanted to remain fully aware of the discomfort I’ve either run from or avoided. In fact, I’ve sought to lead with love and express my thoughts to others in kindness. I’d be lying if I wrote that I’ve always been successful at leading with love . But I am grateful that each day is a new day to try again.

As I reflect on this birthday, I’ve noticed I did not react based the stress of others. For instance, my birthday celebration included a brief getaway. With inflation, airline tickets are not cheap, and traveling may require driving outside the usual and customary to another city to take a flight. Well, that was me.

There were no good flights from Tampa to my Sint Maarten, so I drove to Orlando the day before to take a 6 am flight to JFK to connect to my Caribbean destination. Furthermore, I sat on the tarmac for 2 hours only for the flight to be canceled. As you can imagine, I missed my connection. Definite delayed gratification!

Although upsetting, what could I do? Nothing besides trying to book another flight. Well, I approach a representative to ask where to go. I kid you not…. THIS HAPPENED. Without looking up, the airline desk employee raised her arm and then pointed her index finger, saying, “I can’t help any of you. Go down there to find out what to do.”

Let me pause for a moment to walk through the reaction from my body:

My brain: Oh no! What in the ham sandwich on pumpernickel bread, no mayo, add mustard, yes, I like tomato is going on?
The tightening in my gut: Frustrated. I have no idea where she is pointing while thinking please don’t pass gas!
The tension line on the side of my face: This is some foolishness

Two additional hours later + Following the two hours on the tarmac + waiting 20 minutes at a different counter for the person to come back = no flights to the island on Saturday. Consequently, I must book for the next day.

First and foremost, I don’t know what the individuals at airlines go through after a flight is canceled. Moreover, I am sure cancellations and missed connections create as much stress for them as it does for travelers. Despite the unfavorable situation, I met great people waiting in the line. In fact, I hope to keep in contact with them. Obvious delayed gratification! The three things I did to remain calm and not react to foolishness were:

Breathe
Put the shoe on the other foot
With the help of others, I found some joy in meeting new people

Although a stressful situation, and wanting to be where I wanted to be, I take pleasure in knowing that I was okay with accepting that the circumstances were out of my control. I made it!

Most importantly, the beaches were great! Excluding the call from my daughter about the door to pick up her son. I am sending her the charge for that call!

If you are looking to find better coping mechanisms in stressful situations like the airport, at work, or at home then I am here to help! Schedule a free consultation !

Energy: Moving Past Blockages

Fri, 23 Sep 2022 17:20:00 GMT

As the September blog series comes to close, I thought it be good to end with a post about energy and blockages as it is adjacent to walking into VALUE season. Last week, I wrote a letter about manifesting abundance . Meanwhile I’d be remiss if I did not discuss that manifesting and energy is challenging to do if you have blockages.

What is a blockage?

According to Oxford English Dictionary, the definition of a blockage is an obstruction which makes movement or flow difficult or impossible.

For the context of this post, the definition of a blockage is exactly that! Furthermore, the root cause of the blockage is self . Is the blockage protection? If so, why? Is the intent to keep the blockage snug like a comfortable blanket? Only you can answer that; however, for me, no it should not be a source of comfort.

With this in mind, I gradually began to understand that my blockages hindered me. In fact, there were times when I revisited the root cause of the blockage and thought of what I could have said. Spinning in thought, in response, and negative self-talk. For all that, the constant rumination resulted in self-soothing behaviors like snarky snacking . A blockage does not help propel me forward. On the contrary, I felt stuck and could not get past a certain point.

For example, when I began my self-forgiveness practice , it was challenging to acknowledge hurtful conversations about my facial features, my natural hair, or weight. At the time, I’d already internalized the sentiments because I did not love myself. Consequently, I believed that I could not have or do something because I was a thick woman with kinky hair and full lips. In truth, I’d convinced myself that once I made it to a certain weight on the scale then I could take a certain group fitness class, approach someone or be approachable, be seen, and taken seriously.

Moreover, I obsessed about the number of pounds I needed to lose. I concede that nothing was every good enough because I had not dealt with the real issue. My mindset. First and foremost, I had to do the shadow work, in my life, to begin to manifest good energy. I had to sit in the uncomfortable to ascend to ease. Indeed, it is not easy. Frankly, it is hard, but required.

I was not surprised that I’d internalized so much! Instead, I was I surprised at how difficult it was for me to face it. Regardless, I did it. More importantly, I still have work to do, but the takeaway is I started. For these reasons, start with identifying blockages.

Think about what the blockages are then write it down
Seek help. It does not have to be a solo process
Love yourself through the process
Cry or scream. Allow for the opportunity to feel

Take the leap. Find freedom. Hug Acceptance. Release the blockage .

Just like my support system rooted for me, I am rooting for you!

Releasing blockage is not always easy. However, working together through the GLADness Program will help you adapt strategies to take the leap, find freedom, and hug acceptance. Book a free consultation today.

Abundance: A Letter of Manifesting Energy

Fri, 16 Sep 2022 17:52:00 GMT

Dear Renii,

I appreciate you, the person you are becoming, and your heart. It has been a long road for you to get to a place of comfort with yourself and feelings of wholeness. Indeed, a season that does not let fear paralyze you but instead motivates you to move forward. First, I appreciate your tears because you are present, allowing for the release of joy and sadness. Second, I am writing you this letter to wish you abundance. Third, I am proud of you.

The abundance I want you to experience begins with self. It is the satisfaction of discovery without shame and the capability to grow from people, experience, and future increase . With this in mind, it is for you to continue to evolve in entrepreneurship, laughing and releasing stereotypical energy imposed upon you daily. Regardless of attempts to derail your come up with statements like “you will always have to work for the man,” by the same token, realizing that you have a choice of which man you choose to work for. To repeat,I wish you abundance!

You are doing fantastic. Keep Queening.

To this end, continue to strive for mental, financial, and physical wealth. I want you to know that the energy of abundance you manifest in your life is worth it. In fact, in moments of self-doubt, I pray that the strength of your ancestors descends upon you to bless you with the hope, strength, and guidance they used to make it through challenging times. Abundance is your generational wealth.

You got this!

Above all, continue to strut in VALUE. Keep in mind that all things lead to abundance despite obstacles and physical and mental fatigue. However, don’t hesitate to rest. You deserve it. Give and receive hugs often. Fill up your mental victory vibes cup, and don’t forget to use it when you need it. As a matter of fact, the cup is not for show. In fact, the cup compliments acknowledgment and belief in your:

Vulnerability
Authenticity
Leading with Love
Uniqueness
Energy

Just like the strength of your ancestors. Drink from it. Pour into it. Most importantly, remember to identify, access, understand, and respond appropriately to the patterns of your internal signals. Use this to understand further and feel what is going on with you. You matter! Receive your blessing of abundance.

You matter! Receiving your blessing of abundance !

I love you.

If you struggle with identifying, accessing, understanding and responding to your internal signs like mental and physical fatigue then I am here to help! Through the GLADness Program, I will help you adapt strategies to further understand your signals to manifest and receive abundance. Book a free consultation today.

Love Language: Words of Affirmation

Fri, 09 Sep 2022 20:12:00 GMT

Leading with love is essential at home, with friends, and in the workplace. With this in mind, for this post, I want to unpack leading with love with the most important person, myself. First and foremost, I need to love myself before I can love others, including leading with love in conversation, thought, or consideration. Ignoring my love language.

Does leading with love always happen? Are you intentionally practicing empathy? Or are you judging more and smiling less? Now and then, does Nana Naysayer come through with a “yep, you are not,” then someone makes a statement like “you would be better if”? It indeed happened. I internalized the unsolicited advice despite knowing no one could walk in my shoes but me. Owning my love language.

Learning to lead with love meant that first, I needed to love myself. Expressly, I accepted that my past did not define me, others may not understand me, and life will occasionally have me questioning my sanity. How did I start? I started with the practice of self-forgiveness . And it was challenging to lean into my love language.

First, my challenge was me. When I looked in the mirror, all I saw were flaws. Along with visualization came criticism. Second, I did not believe I could truly be happy in the brown skin I was in and appreciate the changes happening to my body. Third, I needed to discover how to start. I wondered which words to verbalize without forsaking being genuine, which means I wanted:

My words to resonate with the little girl within who was chunky all her life
The teenage girl who second-guessed most things
The young and middle-aged adult who believed the negative self-talk. As a result, she is blinded to the positivity in front of her every day.

Ultimately realizing, not only did I need to put in work, but the happiness I sought began with me. It sounds simple, but I struggled. At one point, I asked myself, “what do you like about yourself?” ReRe Positive shouted, “You have a great smile!” then I embraced my love language by reading the notes left on my desk from my son:

“I love you.”
“You’re the best mom everrrr!!”
“Hi, mom. Have a good day.”

I kept all his notes written to me while he was in middle and high school. Above all, reading the notes reminded me that words of affirmation are my love language, so I started with sticky notes on my full-length mirror:

See only potential.
You are a statistic of awesomeness.
It is okay. Today is a new day.
Own it, Embrace It, Change It, Take your power BACK.

Indeed, when I see these words of affirmation each day, I am reminded that I matter. For this reason, I remain intentional about leading with love. Owning my love language.

Leading with love are the words spoken to yourself. Affirmations help but are temporary solution if you are not in touch with your feelings about your body. Simply because it is a struggle. If you struggle with finding your own internal words of affirmation causing you to not lead with love, I can help you! Through the GLADness Program, I will help you adapt strategies to further embrace your internal language. Book a free consultation today.

Calm Through the Storm

Fri, 02 Sep 2022 18:46:00 GMT

I am gliding into September wanting to grow in my VALUE practice. That said, I remember Hurricane Irma in September 2017 in the Tampa Bay area as a major storm referred to as a category level 3. A storm of like this heavy rain and wind gusts greater than 90 mph. Most often the power outages, damage to homes, and flooding happen, as well. Lacking calm.

The storm or hurricane’s has an eyewall and an eye. The eyewall judges and its negative impact tears down. Ultimately destroying the strong and weak structures and foundations despite its desire to hold with confidence. Moreover, the hurricane’s eye is calm but mighty. Its minor winds gust, just like the accepting vulnerability as a gift. Finding calm in the midst of storm.

Before starting my self-love practice, I defined vulnerability as weakness. Furthermore, I internalized my emotions to avoid discomfort and overpowered by being present in my feelings. Similar to the structures and foundations that want to hold on but cannot withstand the thunderstorms and wind gusts. I thought there was only one way to appear strong, and it was to show up as a category 3. Forsaking calm.

However, doing so mentally fractured me like a power outage. My physical devastation presented itself with headaches, insulin resistance, and increased cortisol levels, just like the damage to homes. The flood of so many negative thoughts clouded my ability to interpret little things and blurred my belief system. Ignoring calm.

The eye of the hurricane is milder with winds of 15-20 mph. Almost like it’s not concerned with the judgment or negative self-talk from the eyewall. Instead, focus on ‘I am’ and be present in the moment. Clearly accepting its superpower, uniqueness, and energy. Celebrating calm despite the storm.

Subsequently, for me, it has taken time to recognize my eye and appreciate my eyewall. First, I’ve embraced that there will be days with milder wind gusts. Secondly, there will be days with thunderstorms and wind gusts greater than 90 mph. At last, I know I will be okay and not immobilized by the thunderstorms and high winds. Freed from storm, establishing calm.

Local news outlets offered information about preparation, including a hurricane readiness kit. It is incredibly stressful, especially when supply is low due to high demand. In the same manner, my mental victory vibes pantry was clustered. As a result, I ran away from my VALUE which delayed the how long it took for my power to be restored. Ironically, as my practice grows, I lean on VALUE strategy more, such as:

• Kindness

•Grace

• Time for myself

• Loving me as I am

In spite of the limited supply, I was able to purchase the necessary items for my hurricane readiness kit. Likewise, at the time, the kit was my belief system. A system blurred because I did not have the essential strategies to help shift my mindset. Hence, hindering my ability to grow in my VALUE practice. Finding calm.

Over time, I’ve accepted that there are days when my mindset is hazy, screaming, or even blocked. However, self-empathy allows me to lead with love and exercise self-forgiveness. Equally through grace, I can revisit my uniqueness. Even manifest abundance despite the frustration, sadness, or discomfort within and from the process. I am enabled to continue seeking calm to work toward a better version of myself.

Showing up like a major storm that may result in structural damage to mind and body. If you are mentally fractured and experiencing physical devastation like headaches, increased cortisol levels then I can help you find another way to show up as your authentic self. Encouraging you to accept your superpower, uniqueness and energy! Through the GLADness Program, I will help you adapt strategies to celebrate calm despite the storm. Book a free consultation today.

Disclaimer: Hurricane Irma left behind so much devastation. This post is in no way minimizing the effort it takes to recover from the damage.

VALUE Season

Fri, 26 Aug 2022 18:28:00 GMT

Welcome to the VALUE season! Like hurricane season, it is full of trials and tribulations, but what’s for sure is that VALUE is possible. During hurricane season, tropical storms may occur, resulting in rain, blown leaves, and potential destruction. While also offering days of beautiful skies and rejuvenation of nature. VALUE season, for me, changes and prepares me to receive something new. That said, I am stepping into September with VALUE:

V: Vulnerability
A: Acceptance
L: Leading with Love
U: Uniqueness
E: Energy

I am originally from the Midwest, so when I moved to Florida ten years ago, I did not know about hurricane season or what I needed to do to prepare. In fact, I was scared because the unknown was fearful. The same could be said for my VALUE. I did not offer myself the grace of VALUE for a long time, nor did I understand or apply it despite the familiarity. It is possible that others saw my VALUE while I moved with violent winds, torrential rain, and a few storm surges.

However, as I learned more about hurricane season, I learned a generator would be helpful, so I began my mission to purchase a generator. By the same token, I found it essential to reclaiming my power regarding my VALUE. More importantly, through vulnerability, my VALUE resulted in my increased self-worth.

As I chose the generator, I did some upfront planning. First, I wanted to ensure the generator I purchased was of good quality. Second, I needed to become familiar with determining size and tools. Third, have an open mind and willingness to research. That said, I required that same willingness to remove my emotional mask, loosen my protective armor, and stop layering bricks on my emotional brick wall.

Eventually, I walked into Home Deport feeling like an expert. I’d done the internet research; what more did I need? Once I found an associate to assist me, he asked, “what is the wattage you are looking for?” Yet, I heard, “Renii- GIRL, you are not ready! You don’t know this stuff. What is wattage again?”

From a VALUE perspective, self-doubt and lack of self-trust were crucial factors. Ultimately led me to believe that vulnerability was weakness. Subsequently, through growth, I have accepted vulnerability as my superpower. Shifting my mindset from thoughts of what I was not to who I am becoming.

The associate asked again, “what is your wattage? If you are not sure, I can help you to decide.” I accepted the help! As I step into this season, I will accept who I am becoming, thus not allowing negative thoughts to derail my come-up! Moreover, offering self-compassion and leading with love. Even if it means asking for help.

As I got closer to being ready to purchase the generator, the associate asked, “how will you get it home? Do you have a truck?” Nana Naysayer goes in loudly, too, saying, “nope, you don’t. You knew you needed a truck.” On the other hand, ReRe Positive counters by saying, “rent one. The desk is over there.”

On the whole, as I contemplate my VALUE, embracing my uniqueness means going to battle with Nana Naysayer and being cheered on by ReRe Positive. There is no one size fits all. Also, remember the energy I want to manifest in my life. An energy of abundance, riddled with change, but yelling my VALUE should not be limited to violent winds, torrential rain, and a few storm surges.

Welcome to the season of VALUE.

Sis, your VALUE season is here! Right now. If you struggle with accepting vulnerability as your superpower and Nana Naysayer is your event planner then I am here to help! Through the GLADness Program, I will help you adapt strategies to quietly replace Nana Naysayer then give ReRe Positive the event planning job in your VALUE season. Book a free consultation today.

Co-parenting with MORE

Fri, 19 Aug 2022 18:06:00 GMT

Until now, I’ve written about the adjustment with my promotion to Parental Consultant. However, it does not stop there. I am also co-parenting with my daughter, the mother of my grandson. Never in a zillion years did I phantom becoming a caregiver to my adult daughter’s child. Likewise, I wanted to be the grandparent that visits my grandchild on the weekends, sugared him up then sent him home to his parent. That said, my reality was understanding my grandson’s daily nuances and helping him work through his emotions. Attempt to maintain my sanity during the first year of the pandemic.

It is no secret what substance abuse can do to a family. Initially, we managed in the best way possible. However, my daughter’s last episode resulted in another extensive hospitalization. As our family processed unknowns, my sons referenced my Parental Consultant resume. Guess what? I got the job. My grandson came to live with me in the second half of 2020. I’d be lying if I said I accepted the position gracefully as I’d become accustomed to my new role’s newfound freedoms. By the same token, my grandson was confused, hurting, and wanted his mommy.

Hence, the next stage in reinventing my empty nest was highly challenging to do. Our lives shifted to interacting with DCF and judges. Somehow, I could not help but feel that her actions directly reflected me, like the common saying, “the apple does not fall too far from the tree.” In addition, our relationship had been strained for years, practically held together with duct tape and bobby pins. I was angry, and she felt judged .

A LOT! Indeed, there were days when I wanted to pack my bags and run away. Hide. Change my number. Leave. But the reality was loud and clear. RESPONSIBILITIES.

On the other hand, my daughter and I had to figure this out. Despite our feelings about each other, we knew my grandson, her son, was most important. That said, our co-parenting journey started with:

Mediator – someone picked up my grandson once a week, for a two-hour visit.
Phone calls – my daughter called my grandson in addition to visits, and I know it helped her to hear his voice.
Arguments- We said hurtful things to each other out of frustration and while in pain.
Avoidance through silence was the alternative when communication was unbearable

My Pulse Check

The pulse check happened when my grandson asked me why I didn’t love her. Yep! With a serious facial expression, he asked me while sitting at the dinner table eating his pan pizza, his favorite meal. My heart dropped. At that moment, I realized it was bigger than me. So, I had a decision to make: how do I manage this co-parenting relationship? Admittedly, I did not know because I could not fully understand my daughter, so I called my younger sister, my daughter’s auntie. My sister, who is in this line of work, educated me on the amenable approaches. My sister’s guidance helped me to shift my mindset.

Our Current Journey

Currently, my daughter and I have been co-parenting without a mediator for over a year. We do not always agree, and yes, we still argue. However, I have learned to meet her where she is, let go of expectations for a child. To honor her as a grown woman. A woman who has life lessons that are similar yet different than mine. More importantly, whether I agree with her choices, currently, she is walking in sobriety and deserves respect. Our arrangement:

My grandson is with me from Sunday to Wednesday.
He is with his mom from Thursday to Sunday (midday).
Financially, I cover my grandson’s expenses so my daughter can save her money. She has set goals for herself, so I’ve taken the stance that I must alleviate obstacles to assist her in reaching her goals (um, she disagrees). In this area, I am a work in progress.
Big decisions are made jointly.

As for my grandson, the position he’s in is unique, and he must straddle the fence between his grandma and mom. I have told him that I will have his back no matter the day, time, or year and he does not need to worry about me being mad.

Reinventing my empty nest meant having an open mind, indeed. It has meant leaning on my support system to get out of my own way. More importantly, knowing I won’t get it right all the time, but remain consistent and stay the course. We are worth it .

If you struggle with finding your place as your empty nest evolves, extending grace, or finding peace to love yourself as you are without judgment or shame, I can help. Through the GLADness Program, I will help you adapt strategies to help you find peace within through change. Book a free consultation today.

Setting Boundaries and Finding Peace

Fri, 12 Aug 2022 12:54:00 GMT

When my children entered adulthood, I received a promotion to consultative parent. In my new role, offering advice when asked but expecting my children to do as I recommended is not in the job description. Even if their choice results in an emotional or monetary mishap. To say the least, it was not easy to see them hurting or conflicted, but just like in their teens, as a young adult, I respected their process if it did no harm—an essential component to setting boundaries and finding peace.

Letting go has always been a struggle for me. I remember when my middle son was maybe 10 or 11 years old. He wanted to venture off on his bike with his friends. He happened to ask on a Saturday when my dad was visiting, and I told him no because I feared not having visibility to him. My dad waited until he went upstairs; he said, “let that boy grow up. You can’t hold on so tightly. He needs to be able to go.” One of the many things my father taught me . That said, I rolled my eyes (in my head, of course) and went upstairs to tell him that he could go and discussed his curfew. Despite my initial fears, my son returned home on time, tired, and played out. The start of setting boundaries and finding peace.

Ironically, my youngest son didn’t ask to hang out much with his friends until high school. Although, my dad was no longer with us, his words remained true with him, as well. While I wanted to hold on tight, I let him go with clear boundaries and expectations- e.g., curfew, location, etc. He, too, returned home. One of the many times, we set boundaries and found peace as our relationship matured.

Ultimately, the final decision was mine with both of my sons at that time. However, with adult children, the final decision is theirs, not mine. Despite living at home or not. Just like the call for permission (wait, my children call it advice, does yours?).

However, for those, like me, who have a young adult finding their way, yet still residing at home, the Boundaries Agreement may look different but should include key elements essential to the household. An agreement created as a family with empathy. Hey, I get it! Some would state the deal is “my house, my rules,” and I am not mad at you, but for us, the agreement in our journey of setting boundaries and finding peace are include:

Mutual respect
Like leaving the house in a wool sweater, it is 99.999 degrees outside, and the humidity makes it feel like 102.999 degrees. Lawd, I want to ask why, and I don’t. Who can relate?
Limitation and Dealbreakers:
It is not easy to think of having dealbreakers with my children. But the truth is, there are. I choose open discussion because they are not psychic, even though some may think so.
Ways they can help
We live here, so we need to clean and respect our residence
Collaboration
Let’s work together for our good.

Even more, it helped me to understand him. Each day, we continue to work at it. We don’t have all the answers or always get it right. The most important part is we don’t give up.

One more thing…

Recently, my middle son wed. He sent me a picture of him and his new bride that day. No wedding. No family. Just him and her. At that moment, I knew my spot on his list was no longer #2. I accepted my time had come to an end. Equally, I rejoiced that I could accept the position as prn “as needed” consultant even though I am no longer his first call. Just like, I take pride in knowing I was his first call for many years. Now, it is time for our family to continue to evolve.

Indeed one of those days . Finding peace with change.

If you struggle with setting boundaries because you want to avoid conflict, are a people pleaser, or want to find peace to love yourself as you are without judgment or shame, I can help. Through the GLADness Program, I will help you adapt strategies to help you find peace within through change. Book a free consultation today.

New Normal…What is “normal” anyway?

Fri, 05 Aug 2022 14:53:00 GMT

In my twenties, I thought about what I’d do when my children were out of diapers, potty trained, and childcare. Ironically, in my early thirties, as my older two were in approaching middle school, I frequently considered the liberties of a quick run to the grocery store without having to pack everyone up. However, in my forties, the time had come. Indeed, the entire experience was like a roller coaster—fast, sharp turns and a queasy stomach. Undeniably, over quickly, but emotional, nonetheless. Was this my new normal?

At age 21, my son left the nest. Although I was happy for him, I cried every night for a few months looking at him in the “leaving the nest” photos. His room remained empty for at least a year. I would stand in the doorway looking at the space he once came home to each day. Thinking he’s not here, what do I do with this room? My new normal.

Honestly, I waited to renovate his room because it would make it real. He had left the nest, and he was on his own.

At the same time, I found myself lost despite my youngest child still at home. Lost in the sense that he brought a different piece to our family puzzle. Now that he was gone, it seemed as if the puzzle pieces belonging to him were somehow gradually disappearing.

By the same token, the truth was his pieces weren’t disappearing; instead, they were reinventing how each fit into our evolving family dynamic.

Simultaneously, my youngest was entering high school. For which, I experience slight anxiety adapting to a new normal that I wanted to hide from. Run from. Ignore. However, deep down I knew I could not.

This resulted in initial thought about what I enjoyed and wanted to do. Long of the short, I started rediscovering my interests: trial and error. Hence, the start of my About Me list. A list intended to help dust off prior interests that could potentially become primary interests. Identify places I wanted to visit, e.g., day trips. Things I could do at home but hadn’t in several years. While wondering if new normal is the best way to think about our family next steps.

Guess what?! I had nothing to write on the list, making clear that my children’s interests had become my interest. So, I decided to:

First, purchasing a Groupon to paint led to participating in body painting which was a liberating experience.
Second, joining group fitness classes for activities I felt I was too big to do (girl, don’t judge me. I’ve judged myself more than I’d like to admit)
Third, I started journaling (again)

All of this to find me. Find my normal. Reinvent my normal. I’m still working on the list and seeking out new adventures. An 81-year-old woman once said to me, “if you stop living, you die.” So, I’m choosing to keep living. A good girl not hurting nobody while defining my new normal.

If you are seeking to find yourself in this time of change and want to dive deeper into defining your new normal that enables you to honor your strengths by finding what your Me Time will look like or you want to ignite loving yourself as you are again then this is for you! Through the GLADness Program, I will help you adapt strategies to help you find peace within through change. Book a free consultation today.

Empty Nest: Reinvention through MORE

Fri, 29 Jul 2022 13:00:00 GMT

For August, I want to write about the evolution of change. Ultimately, for me, that change began in my home. I imagined an empty nest in the traditional sense for a long time. When my children were in high school, I started to think about what the house would be like once they went away to school or moved into their own homes.

I thought about what empty nest meant for me- what would I do and how I would feel. Will I be lonely? What do I want to do? Just so many questions ran through my mind. However, my empty nest is not empty. That said, I continue to learn how to transition from parenting a child to being a consultant to an adult. Then two years into my transition, my grandson came to live with me. I had to rediscover a parent/child routine.

During my pondering phase prior to an empty nest, I imagined something totally different. Traveling with friends, dinner or no dinner, returning home with the remote in the same spot I left it. Instead, my empty nest is not that- it is what best works for me family (for now). Still, I had to step back to remind myself to love and support them, but also forgive and accept the circumstances that redefined my empty nest.

The uneasiness associated with an impending change is relatable, whether it is a child going away to college, entering kindergarten, first grade, middle school, or high school. It seems August or early September, depending on where you live, can bring about tears before, during, or after the drop-off at the door to the classroom, dorm, or while leaving their newly leased apartment.

Although, some would argue that a child going to school for the day is not an empty nest, but there are emotional struggles associated with the change from being together all day to picking them up after school. Just like sadness may come from seeing them less because they want to be with their friends more. For me, the empty nest in any transitional form is understandable.

I have decided to walk into August and accept my MORE:

M: Meaningful
O: Openhearted (to)
R: Reinvent (my)
E: Empty Nest

Firstly, the August blog post will touch on my feeling of emptiness or uncertainty because the last two decades or less have been about the child(ren). The steps taken to overcome those feelings. Secondly, since one adult child is still at home, how I learned to co-exist without controlling the situation? Meaning their final decisions belonged to them. Lastly, my transition when my grandson came to live with me, learning to forgive and co-parent with my daughter, and Kaleb’s struggle to balance mom and grandma because he doesn’t want us to be “mad.”

Indeed, I am not the only one pondering how to approach a dynamic like this or similar. Certainly, we get by, but not without making mistakes along the way. Surely, co-parenting isn’t new, but it is different between mom and daughter- especially from my daughter’s perspective with having to co-parent with her mother. Challenges associated with adjusting to our “normal”- boundaries are important, and empathy is a requirement.

But we make it work. Seeking to bring forgiveness and acceptance of the circumstances since I envisioned a different path for Kaleb and her.

Leaning into MORE . Reinventing my empty nest.

Encouragement: My Pathway to Creativity

Fri, 22 Jul 2022 08:30:00 GMT

Exploring my inner child has been healing. In fact, I’ll continue the work of ensuring the little girl within has a voice, and is protected. Along with cultivating a healthy and safe space as I continue my healing journey. As this series comes to an end, I want to write about the two teachers that impacted my life through their encouragement. These teachers gave me a voice when I felt as if I was speaking, but the words wouldn’t emerge. These teachers were Mrs. Anita Hill, my former music teacher, and Mrs. Booth, my former drama teacher. Their encouragement began my pathway to creativity.

Both teachers offered me encouragement through the performing arts. Mrs. Hill was my former music teacher at Ivanhoe Elementary School in Gary, IN. She was quick to correct bad behavior and praise her students. As the leader of the school choir, Mrs. Hill enabled us to perform not only at school events but also at churches and competitions around the city. However, to participate, one’s behavior had to be on point. There were no excuses.

Mrs. Hill introduced me to who I could become without fear of judgment. Through music, I felt safety through the lyrics whether playful or soulful. In addition, I auditioned for Emerson Visual and Performing Arts (VPA) as a result of her encouragement. Mrs. Hill believed in her kids but held us to high expectations. It is because of her that I can still sing my states, the capitals, and the presidents.

I was a drama major at Emerson, where I met Mrs. Booth. She was poised and intuitive but also held her students to high expectations. I was shy; however, she helped me work through my shyness by fostering and environment of creativity, and imagination through acting, building sets and contributing behind the scenes. I would venture to say that I entered her class one way but left another with a broader frame of mind due to her encouragement. A freedom that I’ve sought to recapture.

Through encouragement and considering the possibilities—a primary reason for my love of storytelling. I can capture the essence of a lesson or an experience through words. So amazing!

Even now, I seek those possibilities. I choose to tap into activities that enlighten me while also enabling my creativity. Many times, I’ve stated that adulting has a way of forgetting, but I am encouraged to remember the influence these teachers had on me then and now. To those seeking to discover their voice:

Keep exploring. The exploration will help find your passion.
Once found, hold on to your passion. Life will adjust your priorities, but try not to lose your passion. And if you do, reclaim it.
Don’t be afraid. Everyone isn’t going to support you. And that’s okay. Keep believing in yourself. The impossible is possible.
Heal. Adverse experiences will occur. Face the uncomfortable so healing can follow.
Be encouraged. Find your joy.

Exploring my inner child reminded me that I am ABLE. That I should ACKNOWLEDGE my originality every day. BELIEVE I reclaimed my voice. LOVE me because it’s not selfish instead it’s kind. ENCOURAGEMENT through joy, sadness, and forgiveness along the way.

Through it all, the little girl within, the teenager coming into her own, and the grown woman reclaiming her power is on fire .

Loving Me In Spite Of: My Journey of Exploring My Inner Child

Fri, 15 Jul 2022 12:16:00 GMT

My journey to self-love began with changing my mindset. As I explored my inner child, I discovered unfortunate incidents buried deep within me, and they lay dormant until a triggering event happens in my life. The triggering event is the catalyst for how I respond. Loving me includes healing from these things, ridding myself of things hinder evolving, and building my memory of lesson learned that I hope to always share with others. The phases of my journey involve:

Self-awareness- I am in tune with my successes and struggles. I’ve stopped running.
Self-forgiveness- Releasing shame so I can manage my negative thinking.
Self-trust- believing that I am ABLE.
Self-acceptance- Seeing beauty in myself without including “what if” or “but if.”

Since I am still on my journey, my phases continue to evolve.

When I was fifteen, I was sexually assaulted by someone I knew. Back then, I skipped school to see this person. Went to his home. Our interaction started innocently, but he thought it meant something more since I came to his house. Firstly, I blamed myself and kept the incident secret because I wasn’t where I should’ve been. Secondly, I didn’t want to be labeled “fast.” Lastly, I really believed it was my fault. Failing to realize that I should love me in spite of.

Leading into adulthood, I held on to the fear of making the wrong impression- setting an incorrect intention(s). Subsequently, developing self-soothing behaviors like snarky snacking and self-sabotage through negative self-talk as a coping mechanism. I found small things upsetting like someone pulling my blouse or holding my arm tightly. Becoming edgy if someone mentioned discussing me or deciding about me without my input, immediately, I felt like my choice was taken away. Again, failing to realize the importance of loving me in spite of.

I realize now the little girl within wanting to scream to regain the voice lost. For instance, my attempt to forgive and love myself involved discussing actions and consequences with my daughter and sons. Up until now, I loved myself when- but now, I love myself in spite of.

Meanwhile, I buried the incident so deep that it manifested affected the internal and visual image of myself, including the lack of love I’d shown to myself and how I expected to receive love. My advice to the little girl within and the teenage girl concerned about what someone would think instead of wholly loving herself:

Be selfish- love yourself.
Be kind to yourself.
Hold your head up; it’s not your fault.
Trust yourself- you are capable.
Hold on to grace for those times you can’t even though you want to.

Assimilating to the ideology that a woman must behave a certain way. But is that true? Certainly, the possibility of living free, being respected, honored, and valued is a better option. Today, I rebuke the idea of “fast” or not deserving love because “I did it to myself” by reclaiming my power. Loving Me.

To put it another way, no longer suffering in silence. Instead, claiming and receiving my journey of self-reformation. The courage to fight for me . Thank you for loving me.

My Healing Journey: Believe In Me

Fri, 08 Jul 2022 00:57:00 GMT

I’ve been self-critical. Constantly judging myself. Often, I’ve wondered why I inflicted so much pressure on myself. As if I had little or no belief in myself. Almost like fleeting belief. Mixed emotions. Little self-trust while no one knew of my struggle while on my healing journey. Finally, with the help of a therapist, I’ve worked to alter how I show up for myself. The work started with changing my thought process following an incident in childhood. Today, I am fortunate to have a sound support system. For this reason and more, I am grateful while I continue my healing journey.

In grade school, maybe 4th grade, I was at a friend’s house. She asked me to play the game a specific way- the way she liked to play the game. I did. Thinking it’s no big deal. Next, she slapped me several times, saying, “if you’re going to be my friend, then you need to play my way.”

Immediately, I left to go home. Upset. Crying. When I got home, I wiped my face before walking into the house. Hiding the hurt and shame, I was feeling. My dad was at the kitchen table. Chilling. He asked me, “how was your visit with your friend?” I said, “okay.” I lied. I rushed to my room so he wouldn’t see my face. At the same time, I thought, how could I allow someone to treat me that way. Why didn’t I defend myself? Tell my parents. Unaware of the healing journey to come. Oblivious to the voice I’d taken away from my inner child.

The wounds of the incident led me to believe I wasn’t deserving. As a result, I pushed the feelings down, which set the foundation for my layers of protection for the little girl within. The layers weren’t healthy boundaries- not allowing the healing journey to begin. In fact, the voice of my inner child couldn’t express the pain. Conveying to the little girl within, on a healing journey, that:

The incident wasn’t her fault
To forgive herself for not doing, for the blame, and the shame
She is valuable
Stop adding bricks to the foundation

She is ABLE. I am ABLE.

Writing about this confrontation opened old wounds to my inner child. Likewise, the difference is my healing journey is lifelong. That said, I would apologize. I’m sorry:

I’ve always been an overachiever, and I would push myself to the brink of exhaustion. I did that because I didn’t want to be weak, just like I felt at that moment. My healing journey was inconsistent- I’d stop when it became too difficult.
You did your best. Moreover, I wanted to meet my standard of perfection. Meanwhile, being demanding and cruel to myself. But I would hug the little girl, my inner child, and then repeat that she is enough. Continue the healing journey.
Thank you for trying to protect me. In addition to, I appreciate your strength and perseverance.

Equally importantly, I believe in you. It’s time to break free .

Acknowledge Me: Exploring My Inner Child

Fri, 01 Jul 2022 08:04:00 GMT

As I prepared to write this post, I asked myself, “why is acknowledgment important?”. Immediately, I thought I want to acknowledge the little girl within -my inner child because being recognized feels good. As well as, the internal appreciation that comes from the words “I see you”, or “you got this.” Acknowledgment equates too many things. Today, it’s a celebration of my inner child.

With that, I remember when I was five years old and in kindergarten. I was scared. I had to leave my mom. To be with people, I didn’t know. Unaware of what to expect. Instantaneously, the memory that stood out to me was walking into that classroom. Excitement about the new outfit. Getting in the car. Arrived at my destination. Exiting the car. Walking to the door with my mom. Dropping me off to class. She leaves. I didn’t cry, but I wondered what I do now? Also, fear of the unknown.

Despite the necessity of starting school, I’d share with my inner child that fear is lifelong. That said, each year, month, day, or minute of the unknown brings a twinge of fear. However, it is what you do with fear that counts. Don’t let it paralyze you:

Walk into the class
Sit in your seat
Assess the surroundings

I tell my younger self to embrace it.

Grip the growth that comes. You are about to learn something new. Potentially discover new toys for the Christmas list.

Back then, in kindergarten, playing was the curriculum—the opportunity to socialize. Make friends. However, just for a second, I wondered if I’d fit in or not. Pondering if a classmate will share a toy or ask if I want to play with them. Today, I would explain to my inner child that her uniqueness is a powerful thing. Learn to accept it. Appreciate it. Acknowledge it.

Indeed, I’d express to my inner child that individuality is powerful. In addition, owning her individuality sets the stage to write her own story. A story so specific to her that no one can take it away. I’d say it is okay to acknowledge originality every day. Then remind her to invite people to part of her story, but don’t change it unless it’s her decision. Even more, emphasize the importance of:

Not running from uniqueness to make someone else comfortable
Not avoiding individuality as it leads to negative self-talk resulting in not acknowledging emotions that are meant to be articulated
Not to nip and tuck originality as it results in losing pieces of herself that are important. Worth cultivating. Don’t be afraid to evolve
To remember that she is enough. Beautiful in every way
To pack some joy away to share so someone else can benefit from knowing they aren’t alone

Hopefully, offering these bits of advice set the stage pull from her mental victory vibes bank on good and bad days. However, it won’t be the days that matter; instead, the goal to accept herself and remain motivated to keep going.

Meanwhile, my response is I am grateful to recognize the importance my advice. It helps to continue to evolve. And that I am grateful to be able share the joy of acknowledging ME .

ABLE: Exploring My Inner Child

Fri, 24 Jun 2022 01:04:00 GMT

As a child, I looked forward to summer break. Sleeping in. Playing outside. Riding my bike. Going to Dairy Queen on 5th Ave. Recreation at West Side. Being outside until the streetlights came on. It made me happy. Brought me excitement. Honestly, I didn’t have a care in the world. Meaning that when I flipped the light switch, the lights came on. I didn’t have to think about paying the bill for the lights to come. I opened the refrigerator; my favorite juice was in it. I didn’t have to think about how it got there. Ultimately, I never thought about the steps in between. For July, I want to explore my inner child. I’ve coined the journey ABLE:

Acknowledging
Believing
Loving
Encouraging

First, I will acknowledge that her. I’d forgotten how important tapping into my inner child can be rejuvenating—starting with dreaming big. Although time led to deferred dreams, it’s not too late to manifest. Speak it. Own it. Write it down- while exploring my inner child.

Moving forward, I don’t want to forget. Instead, I like the sense of freedom to serve as a launch pad for me to dream big. Accept resilience as inner strength. Before now, I’ve written about her, what I would say, and how I want to protect her. Therefore, I want to be intentional in about dreaming more. Mentally judging myself less- exploring my inner child. More often, throw my head in laughter. Wipe away the tears from cracking up.

Second, let her know I believe in her. Capable. Enough. Tell her don’t be afraid to take her shot. Allowing belief to serve as a reminder that to manifest means to believe. Approach challenges as growth opportunities. Instead, to move forward in discernment. As I explore my inner child, my daily morning routine will begin with:

Open mind
Optimism
Self-love ambition
Insightful reality
Grace to reset and try again
Stand proudly in the new time for me. Expressed so well by Alicia Keys: Brand New Me

Third, express love to her. Lately, I’ve loved her more. Loving me isn’t selfish. In fact, it helps me to show up as my best self. Function with a whole heart and positive intentions. To explore my inner child.

Lastly, encourage her. With that, I remember how difficult it was being the chubby kid. There will be no shaming, only embracing of my uniqueness. Showing wholehearted respect and admiration. Just like moments in My Great Escape. After all, I am the apple of His eye.

Bring on July. The month of ABLE. A month of acquiring more wisdom. Loving myself. Understanding.

In other words, I’m here for it.

Putting It Into Practice: “Mkay”

Thu, 16 Jun 2022 20:54:00 GMT

My dad is an instrumental part of my life. Although he is not here in body, he lives on in spirit. Hearing a snippet of his voice “mkay” or “love you too, babe.” His laugh. Feeling his hug. Picturing him standing back, observing what his family is doing. I imagine him sitting on my lanai. I am grateful that I could create memories with him for 29 years. However, I’m putting it into practice- all that he’s taught me.

Indeed, I know his guidance established a foundation for me. It gave me integral lessons that I’ve passed on to my children and grandchildren—his empathy and patience. I seek to replicate it daily. As the Things My Father Taught Me series ends, ultimately, I know I grew even more. As I take this opportunity to tip my hat to my dad, I want to share three foundational things I hold close- putting it into practice. Integrity is essential; the best punishments were lectures, and when loving me, be good at it.

Dad believed that a person stood on their word. With that, I can hear “say what you mean and mean what you say.” Translation my voice matters. I’ve shared through writing that for years I’d lost my voice. Lost it in shame, heartbreak, and fear. I don’t remember the exact day when it happened. I do remember the day I realized it. In 2018. Donald Lawrence’s featuring Le’Andria Johnson’s song Deliver Me was playing. Link to Deliver Me video: https://youtu.be/KwYJv455Zmk . Babyy, when I tell I fell to my knees when Le’Andria hit that note, “Lord, deliver me because I do is hurt me.” It was an awakening. To my trauma. To my hurt. I sought help. Navigating how putting it into practice would change my outlook.

Next, the best punishments were lectures. Yes, I know. It sounds crazy. Especially since, at the time of the lecture, all I could think about was being somewhere else. However, as I got older, the message made sense. There have been countless times when I’ve thought, “yeah, my dad said that would happen,” “oh wow, it makes sense now.” In fact, I’m notorious for applying the Bruce E Carlton method. Ask my children. Ask my grandson.

In addition, my dad taught me that when it comes to loving me, be good at it. But somewhere along the way, I forgot. Instead, self-love was lower on my list of priorities. Putting me first became a luxury that I couldn’t afford. However, I’ve learned each day is an opportunity to try again. That said, I’ve intentionally moved self-love to one of my top 5 priorities. I started by:

Daily affirmations reminders on my phone. Read about the daily affirmations here: https://mindescapevibe.com/2022/04/self-care-gratitude-currency/ . Additional affirmations written on sticky notes then placed on mirrors
I read at least two each day (I placed the notes but didn’t read them for a long time. I rearranged my routine to include reading my sticky notes).
Forgiveness- I’ve been working on this a lot. I discovered that embarrassment and shame were holding me hostage. I change the narrative when I feel like it’s a me thing. Meaning, internally speaking to myself, I say, “it’s a life lesson,” “I learned from the experience,” and “I am grateful I made it through”
Grace- self-grace to do or not do. Acceptance that I’m ready or I’m not ready
Connection- I talk to my mom often and sisters every day. I didn’t always do this. Sometimes weeks or years (if we disagreed) would go by. I’ve found that I’m better with them. Life is better
Boundaries- I started with my adult children. I needed room, and so did they. Then, I moved on to individuals where I knew our season had ended. I packed those chapters away and moved on.

Putting self-love into practice meant I needed to remember that being enough is singular. I have nothing to prove to anyone. Therefore, stopping negative self-talk is non-negotiable. Especially since I started to believe the things I said to myself. My dad wants this for me!

I love you, Dad! Thank you for loving me when I didn’t love myself.

Consider Me: Breaking Down the Invisible Wall

Fri, 10 Jun 2022 00:45:00 GMT

When I was nine years old, I was a little chunky. Subsequently, I was picked on at school. My dad believed the solution was exercise. He began to teaching me to consider me.

First, my journey to exercise began with a conversation. Second, the benefits. Finally, I wouldn’t be alone in the process.

At the time, I didn’t appreciate it. The truth- my dad was the first person to introduce me to exercise—he taught me to consider me. His teaching was a lesson in self-love.

The next day dad woke me up at 6 am to exercise together. He demonstrated the exercise. Next, we’d do repetition together. Actually, we didn’t have weights. Dad and I made weights by filling empty dish soap containers with salt. My post-workout cardio was jogging—only a short distance around the block. Teaching me to consider me. Five days a week for 30 minutes. Change happened. I began to lose weight. Teased less at school.

Despite positive outcomes, I felt like I didn’t meet beauty standards. As time went on, negative self-talk held me so close. No one knew. In fact, I kept to myself. Handling it. Even though carrying the weight was hard. Tiresome. Mentally taxing. My dad’s teaching happened less often- I didn’t consider me.

After so long, I believed it. So, I built an invisible wall. Constantly thinking about what I didn’t deserve.

I was wrong. The lesson wasn’t about beauty standards. Instead, the lesson was to me first. Consider me.

Several years later, I realized my dad taught me about being the best version of myself. Starting with my health. He taught me that change is possible. But I must want it. I did! I do! Everyday! Consider me.

I want solace. Hope. Clarity. The internal and external changes. Normal lab values. All of it. That said, I consider me. I remain consistent. Guess what? Exercise became my form of self-care. Through it, I have:

Gained a different perspective
Release frustration by leaving it on the mat
Focused on me
Put me first
Self-love

More importantly, little by little, I’ve torn down the invisible wall. In fact, I still have work to do. Some parts of me remain closed off. I’ve only removed the first layer. I keep trying. Many times, I’ve wondered why I didn’t realize that sooner. However, that’s not essential.

WHAT’S IMPORTANT– I know now and have put it into practice.

Indeed, an AHA MOMENT.

My practice is not one size fits all. It’s tenacious. It’s hard nonetheless fair. It is by me FOR me.

Consider ME. With zeal. Will you consider yourself? Even, only for a short time.

Thanks, Dad. I love you!

Acknowledging My Why: It’s in the Math

Fri, 03 Jun 2022 18:51:00 GMT

I was what one would call a Chatty Cathy. The younger me talked my dad’s ear off. Asking about all sorts of things. Dad answered every question. At times, the… Continue reading

Strong Black Father: Things My Father Taught Me

Fri, 27 May 2022 22:54:00 GMT

I was 37 years old when my dad died. It was the most challenging time in my life and remained difficult for nearly ten years that followed. Bruce Edwin Carlton was my bonus dad- a strong black father. When I was eight years old and in the third grade attending Ernie Pyle Elementary, he came into my life.

At first, I didn’t know what to expect. He talked to me while cooking dinner for us and took me on adventures. I’d never seen my mom so happy. She laughed and smiled, no more sadness. Ultimately, I knew I had to give him a chance. I wanted to know the person who could bring my mom so much light. I wanted to learn so I could do it too. Plus, seeing her like that made me happy.

For the month of June, I will celebrate dad. A man who was a strong black father. A huge influencer in my life. Sharing some life lessons he taught me. My prayer with each post is that I feel his presence and represent him well.

My bonus dad came into my life when I was too young to understand what I didn’t have, too young to know what I needed to grow or how to go about discovering those things. When my mom introduced us, he lived in Valparaiso, Indiana, a little over 30 minutes from Gary, Indiana, where I lived with my mom. My mom took us there for dinner.

I remember a series of adventures as I got to know the man who made my mom so happy. The adventures that I vividly remember are my first visit to the museums in Chicago and my first movie with my dad. Even now, I try to visit the Museum of Science and Industry when I can when visiting Chicago, and I always watch Max Dugan’s Returns when it’s on television. Despite the years that have passed, I still remember his car at that time. It was a yellow and black bug, a stick shift, and he had tools in the backseat, but he put them in the trunk when we rode with him, a strong black father.

A year later, in the early ’80s, my parents married in the living room at my maternal grandmother’s house. Lives changed that day; we became a family. But not with a lot of adjustment. My dad changed my life for the better!

I transferred from Ernie Pyle Elementary to Ivanhoe Elementary
I started to walk to school in rain, snow, or shine
We ate dinner as a family every night at 5 pm
We watched Barnaby Jones reruns and Wheel of Fortune every night

I experienced more first. At nine, I learned to ride a bike, a pink Huffy. The day I began to learn to ride, my dad and I went outside; he told me I would fall, falling was not going to be fun, but I would get the hang of it.

First, we started in the grass. Chile, when I tell you I fell, my leg got stuck under the bike, and I cut my leg above my shin. I still have the scar!

But I remember he helped me up, looked at the injury, then said, “it’s not bad. I’m here. You can do it.” And I’ve been riding the bike of life ever since, knowing he’s with me and I can do it. A strong black father!

My relationship with my dad is full of great memories, but those memories are the life lessons he taught me. A strong black father that felt the lessons were pivotal to navigating the world. I didn’t get everything I wanted, but I had food, shelter, water, and love. I had a father who loved me so much he wanted to prepare me to live, appreciate life, and respect it. When God decided to give me a bonus dad, I was humbled yet honored that he gave me Bruce Carlton. He gave me a chance to experience a father’s love for his daughter.

My dad set the standard, and despite my alternate paths over the years, I haven’t strayed too far from his teachings, love, and guidance.

Release and Grow: Permission to Purge and Merge

Fri, 20 May 2022 22:47:00 GMT

Have you woken on a Saturday morning with the intent to clean out your closet? The plan was to donate the things no longer worn or of use: the end goal- purge, release and grow. I have. Starting so energized. Having eaten my tea, a bagel, and eggs with spinach to fuel my efforts! I’m standing at my closet door like I will bang this out, then chill out. Hearing my lanai calling my name.

Then I start pulling items out of my closet! The pile grows. More shelves appear out of nowhere!, Somehow extra clothes emerge on hangers. Stopping while asking myself “what is going on here?” Next, turning around and walk away. No longing permitting myself to release and grow!

I would venture to call this a purge and run.

The problem is I didn’t rid myself of the things that no longer served me. I know I’m not the only one!

I entered my closet with the full intent to purge with tenacity so great that I knew I’d get it done quickly and efficiently so I could relax outside on my lanai. Instead, I walked away overwhelmed, confused, and with a missed opportunity. Especially since I decided not to address the skeletons in my closet.

Choosing to hold on doesn’t help me, and since the things weren’t donated, I’d also chosen not to help someone else. Putting an opportunity for growth on hold.

The analogy of cleaning out my closet can apply to many things. As the May Gave Me Permission posts come to an end, purging is an essential component. I let go of the weight of the past and things outside of my control. Forgiving myself and allowing those lessons to lead to growth by purging and merging. More specifically, I received a fraction of mental weight loss. Equally, respecting an chance to release and grow.

To clarify, it’s a journey that I choose each day. To release and making room to grow!

Personally, I carried the weight of being a single mom for years. I also carried the pressure of fighting very hard not to be a societal statistic associated with being a single mom, a black woman raising sons and a daughter, while not passing on generational oppression. It took me a long time to understand the blessing. I was blessed with the gift of nurturing my children who help me continue to hope. Now, as adults, I learn from their determination, positive outlook, and intellectual conversations. Through them, I continue to release and grow- become a better person.

For this reason, I’ve given myself permission to continue to chase growth. Relish in it so self-reformation is not a try but a lifestyle.

Letting go and seeking growth isn’t easy. It is downright hard. But with time, I’ve learned that I appreciated the lessons learned along the way. My outcome. So, I will continue to:

Pray, put on my armor
Go back to the closet and walk-in
Acknowledge the skeletons while sorting, piling, and packing
Pray, keep on my armor
Put the items in my car. Drop them at the donation organization- Bless someone else
Hug myself because I took a step to let go

Focusing On Me: Permission to Discover Wholeness

Fri, 13 May 2022 22:27:00 GMT

There are days when the slightest thing frustrates me, and I’m easily triggered to respond with a snide comment or not-so-favorable body language. Immediately, I take a step back to ask, “what have I done for me lately?” If my answer is “umm,” then I know taking time to focusing on myself by rejuvenating and appreciating myself- pouring into my circle of wholeness. Putting myself first then later prioritizing other tasks.

What is wholeness? Personally, it is being able to allow healing to happen.

Certainly, I’ve learned that giving myself permission to focus on me feeds my mind, body, and spirit. It’s okay to be still.

However, it is not easy to close my circle, especially since I prioritize with a to-do list. I gravitated toward my obligations to others. Next, I constantly recounted the number of tasks I needed to complete. Moving myself from first to last. Depending on the day, my circle may assume the shape of a triangle, square, or polygon. Occasionally feeling guilty for putting myself first. I have found myself asking:

What do I want to do?
Where do I want to go?
Do I want to go anywhere?
Will the boys have snacks or dinner to eat?
Am I being selfish?

All these questions loom in my head. But now, my youngest son needs me less. Consequently, I learned I didn’t know much about myself anymore- that’s not a crime, it’s motherhood. So, I sought to find myself.

Initially, I started simple—a walk in my subdivision.

Permitting myself to revitalize by focusing on myself acknowledges that I am worthy of all I desire, making the impossible possible. My energy is elevated as I treat myself by putting myself first. Let alone understanding who I am. Over time, I started to know myself more, but I realized that discovery is a journey, and I am OKAY with that.

I welcome learning and loving myself with the time I have, whether 5 minutes, ten minutes, or an hour. It’s nice to go from “umm” to I can do this. Even more when I put myself first.

For me, this includes practicing living in the moment. Honestly, I can’t say that I’ve always done this, but I’ve heard from a reliable source, my daughter-in-law, that it is good, and I want to try it. Frankly, I hope living in the moment helps me revive aligning with my definition of self-care. Focusing on me!

I am encouraged to know that it’s possible and that I can put myself first-focus on me. I am grateful for the healing that has taken place in my life, and I am appreciative to know that self-care contributes to wholeness.

Finally, permission starts with me. I give myself permission to continue to stop, to be still. Ultimately, to focus on me which is vital to allowing wholeness to happen. Along with my morning walks each day, I have a mid-day Wholeness To-Do list and time allotted on my calendar:

Schedule a 10-minute mid-day Me Time
Rotate the songs on my Mental Victory Vibes playlist
Charge my Air Pods
One-minute gratitude dancing
Thank God for following through (and grace from when I don’t)

I am fully aware that life happens, and time isn’t refundable, but there is no harm is trying!

Self-care isn’t selfish!

Mother’s Day: Things Being a Mother Taught Me

Fri, 06 May 2022 20:10:00 GMT

First, the post is dedicated to all the moms, mother figures, and role models. Statements from Mind Escape Vibe followers, my son, family, and friends with kind words and memories… Continue reading

Letting Go: May Gave Me Permission

Fri, 29 Apr 2022 19:24:00 GMT

As a child and teen growing up in the 70s and 80s, I asked my parents’ permission. Certainly, asking was the expectation. I would always start my ask by saying, “Mom/Dad may I…?” I couldn’t do what I wanted, how I wanted, or when I wanted. However, as an adult, I asked less and did more. So as April ends and May begins, my frame of mind will be MAY gives me permission. So, I am letting go.

MAY gives me permission to rock my outfit.

MAY gives me permission to know I am enough.

MAY gives me permission to purge, merge and grow. Bring on MAY!

Yes, yes, yes!

I am stepping into confidence and perspective. Indeed I will tilt my head and say “yeah, I know.” As a result, step out on faith while accepting motivation overflow! I am turning the dirt of the sown seeds. Surely, waiting for the sprout. Understanding that it won’t happen overnight, I still believe. Destined to contribute with ingenuity. It will take time, but that’s okay.

Truly, growth is good. At times, it can be pleasant. Also, it is painful too. Letting go or purging won’t be easy. Either way, I am encouraged to keep going. After all, empowering my strengths and accepting my superpower of vulnerability comes from navigating my life experiences.

Distractions will come, but that’s okay too. MAY gives me permission to embrace distractions as opportunities. Whether it’s to adjust or rest, the opportunities are endless. Certainly, distractions may be inconvenient. But it has a purpose, like most things.

Finally, letting go. Permission to not be scared to purge. So, I am seeking to change “what if” to “I can” or “I did.”.

In my cute maxi dress, strappy sandals, gold hoop earrings, and beautiful twist out, I am walking into MAY. The freedom I will receive is my nutrients, allowing me to sprout.

Self-Love: I Choose Me

Fri, 22 Apr 2022 23:37:00 GMT

I’ve come to realize that there is a consequence to contorting to the status quo and not listening to my gut. Dimming my light by accepting what isn’t for me. Subsequently, taking an emotional toll on me. Feeling sadness. Expressing frustration. Haunted by episodes of isolation. It became clear that I needed to refocus my mental energy. Beginning with managing my expectations and centering. Being in the thick of it but knew I didn’t have to remain. I leaned on my squad. I sought a different perspective. Lacking self-love when I really need it. Have you ever been there?

Thinking about refocusing and self-love

Over the years, I’ve learned that I must be strategic professionally and personally. Seeking a plan to refocus when I’m not taken seriously. Assess my response when I feel taken advantage of. Select my words wisely when my assertion is interpreted as aggression. Even more, I need avenues that augment, not hinder-time for self-love. Or, the little girl within just needs to call her momma for some good ole conversation. However, there is a degree of self-inflicted pressure associated with this process. Most times, it starts as adrenaline but ends with haze and exhaustion. Certainly, taking time re-evaluate and realign is helpful.

That said, I am still learning to balance. That “no” is a complete sentence. And setting boundaries is self-care. Deciding that I can’t be everything for everybody. Learning I feel better after a good cry or going to a boxing class- self-love. Understanding that this too shall pass. The next day is another opportunity for optimism. Striking a balance between my strengths and weaknesses.

Oh, how challenging it can be. But God!

Reclaiming my focus and periods of self-love. No longer in a situation that drained me. Not having to see awkward smile of ridicule. Instead, walking in wholeness. Breaking chains. Continuing my journey.

Snoop and Lil Duval said it best “I’m hot like a crockpot. I got a lot to be smiling for”…I am breathin’ so I am achievin’. So, I choose to SMILE! Meanwhile, what is on my gratitude list? Glad you ask:

I am grateful to wake up this morning
Enjoying my grandson’s excitement while walking to school
Expressing congratulations to family
Offering love and support to the family in
Celebrating new beginning
Fresh perspective and broken chains
Mental health vibes overflow

With that, I won’t dim my light forsaking my self-love. Remember I matter scheduling snippets for self-care. Just like seasons, it is better to move on than to hold on. Protecting my mental health! Self-care as a black woman helped me refocus.

Today I choose me.

Self-Sureness: Check Your Posture

Fri, 15 Apr 2022 18:28:00 GMT

It is not unusual for me to have a different visual in my head from what others see. An area where I know this is true is my body language. In my head, I am conveying the message of engagement, confidence, and understanding. In reality, I don’t feel self-sureness. For instance, I am slouching as I’m sitting. Periodically, my eyes go on a voyage. Lastly, I have a questionable facial expression. It’s not that I don’t understand; I am oblivious or aloof; instead, I have not taken the opportunity to honor my value. I haven’t filled the room with my presence. Filling the room isn’t a grand gesture! I am fully showing up now instead of waiting for permission. That said, as women empowering each other, keep in mind, people would make room when showing up in mind and body.

Certainly, my lack of self-sureness is the result past experiences contribute to feeling like I’ve lost an intangible part of my person. At some point, I’ve also forgotten I deserve to take up space, the opportunity, or the accolade. Knowing this, this week, I decided to keep a log of every time I shrunk my presence in the room. On average, each day, I did it five or six times. I often felt undervalued or unappreciated, and I quietly asked myself, “why am I here”- even if only for a second. Hence, feeling no self-sureness. I began to counter the thought with a fact:

• “I am here because I deserve to be.”

• “I will not pull myself down. I’ve earned my seat.”

Indeed, my journey continues with me working to reframe my thought process, so my next steps begin with adjusting my posture by sitting up straight to refocus my energy, followed by deep breaths. That’s MY HUG! MY grand gesture! I attempted to be intentional but not abandon myself during a vulnerable time. It is my way of empowering myself to be while acknowledging my root cause. The root causes of my thoughts are a result of insecurity manifested by experience as a women in corporate America-

About my capability (even though I know I have skills).

My ability to be a fully supportive mom. Instead I’m frustrated about work. I’m not fully present. Despite my most profound desire always to be a safe space of unconditional love .

Show gratitude to me (self-care is not restricted to a specific day or time).

Considering, body language and how it manifests is an essential topic across many areas of daily living. I don’t have the answers, nor can I say that I’ve had conversations with women seeking to empower women about this, but it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t. Can we support each other passing on a morning walk, in the store, after our wallet has been lost, keys locked in the car, in a meeting (in-person or virtually) when our body language is screaming for support! You got this!

Health and Wellness: Snarky Snacks

Fri, 08 Apr 2022 18:54:00 GMT

On July 9, 2016, I had type 2 diabetes and hypertension. I recall going to church that day knowing my blood sugar was over 300. Not feeling well- my health and wellness in question. The choir was singing “Worth” by Anthony Brown & Group Therapy. Immediately, God told me to change my life. Get healthy, and I wasn’t alone. Sparking my journey. A journey that will never end for me.

Early in the week, I ran into the trainer I had then. Our brief conversation reminded me of July 9th and triggered the inadequacy I felt during, before, and after. The reunion of snarky snacks and me.

When I started my journey six years ago, I thought I had to look a certain way. Didn’t accept my curves. Equated health and wellness with BMI. Pushed my mental health to the back burner. However, running into the trainer brought back my jitters. My need to control the outcome instead of acknowledging how vulnerable I felt.

I thought about what I didn’t see in me then- how I felt I had to prove myself to myself consistently. So, I went to my go-to, snarky snacking. Snarky snacking is judging my actions while eating not to satisfy moderation but to feed my insecurity.

Writing my post this week is my health and wellness mental reset; even, to relinquish control allowing grace to lead. I am a WORK IN PROGRESS (WIP). Since then, I’ve had to say to myself, stop the pressure! No rigid schedule again!

Instead, I focused more on the activities that I enjoy like going to dinner with friends! Celelebrating my small victories! For a split second, I almost reverted. Then I remembered it was not all or nothing. It is an investment in ME- in my health and wellness!

There are days when my feeling of inadequacy wins; however, the next day, I start again.

t is my way of releasing the past, being present in the moment, and hugging the future.

It is easy to forget.

It has been a long journey to get to a history of diabetes and hypertension. Through it all, even a pandemic, I give all praise to God – HE told me, then; I didn’t listen. He told me again, I partially listened. He nudged me again- I listened. It was hard to hear since I wanted to continue to check the boxes. I wanted the perfect plan, but does perfection exist? It doesn’t exist for me, and I accept that.

I am listening.

Self-Care Currency

Fri, 01 Apr 2022 19:24:00 GMT

During my morning walk, I listen to a podcast. Enabling me to continue improving my mindset, and aligns my intentions. This go-round, I listened to On Purpose with Jay Shetty, the interview with Big Sean. Big Sean dropped a gem- self-care isn’t selfish, and gratitude feeds growth. If both were currency, how much would someone have? Immediately, I thought about my emergency account:

Do I have self-care and gratitude currency in my emergency account?
Is it an adequate amount to tap into on days when I need it most?

Consequently, a few years ago, the funds were insufficient in my self-care and gratitude emergency account.

I prioritized everything or everyone else’s needs before my own.

I felt like I’d lost pieces of my person in the midst. The ripple effect was how I felt about myself. More so as my body was changing. My temper was shorter. Knowing this, I found what works for me through trial and error. It has taken me time to define self-care that works for me and is personal. Taken several years for me not to feel guilty for investing in myself-my self-care or gratitude for the things in my life. I was so busy in the hustle. Rarely, did I take time to be grateful for waking up and being able.

The moments I took for myself, the house didn’t burn down. My teenage son was still okay.

Yes, girl! I’ve had these affirmations notifications for about three years now. I need them. I no longer have self-care and gratitude insufficient funds. There are days when my time is limited. There are days when I just don’t have in me, but I have my affirmations to remind me that I am worth it. Despite the limitation, my wealth begins with me.

Indeed, thankfulness for another day is a gift that keeps giving, whether it’s a good day or a not-so-good day. Appreciation for being able is also based on my definition. Filling my self-care and gratitude account.

In fact, my gratitude journey started with affirmation notifications. The notifications begin each day at 6:45 am and end at 9:30 pm:

6:45 am- I put on my armor. I’m reminded that the armor of God is my everything.
8:00 am- I’m breaking chains. I remind myself that fear isn’t stagnant but dynamic, and I am okay.
10 am- Be positive. I am the apple of His eye.
1 pm- I am unique. I’m fearfully and wonderfully made. Please indulge me as I elaborate; I needed this one SO badly. I battled with self-criticism and comparison. It was sometimes very debilitating because I didn’t see myself as worthy.
3 pm- Trust and understanding. Usually, I’ve encountered a challenging situation or two by this time. I had a friend who shared Proverbs 9:6 with me, and I say it aloud every day.
5 pm- Peace. The peace I seek comes from God, not the world. Kaleb is doing homework, so I’m seeking patience, too (lol).
7 pm- Wisdom. Proverbs 19:8. Love me.
9:30pm- Intentions. I commit my plans to God.

I hope reading this post inspires you to do the same!

Hope: Kaleb’s Heart

Wed, 30 Mar 2022 18:58:00 GMT

My grandson is seven years old. For a little person, he is sensible. He’s had experiences that many children his age have not. Finding hope while adapting to circumstances extending past what video games he wants to play. Wondering who he will play with outside, or what happened on the playground. He is a child. But a survivor of homelessness, drug and emotional abuse scenes, and foster care.

All in all, did his parents want that for him? Of course not, but life happens. Let alone becoming a protector early in his life. For these reasons, his mom made the difficult decision to ask me to be his guardian. I can’t imagine the difficulty of a decision such as that. But she knew and did it.

The road to her decision was very complicated. It has impacted our family in many ways. Taken years for me to evolve past anger, hurt, and shame. Keep in mind, I had a specific vision and expectations for my children after they birthed children. Considering, I didn’t think the challenges that Kaleb faced would happen in our family. Futhermore, I knew my children “weren’t raised that way.”

As a result, I made a mistake. My mindset contributed to tension in my home. In fact, it hindered our communication. Just like a scene in the movie ATL. Instead of discussing their issues, the uncle turned on Good Times and passed the cereal. No talking, only moving forward without any resolution.

Indeed, I am grateful for second and third chances.

I am grateful that my grandson didn’t give up on himself. His hope led him to seek the positive amid chaos. Kaleb has said, “I kept hoping grandma.” A child teaching me to extend past anger and disappointment. Let go of sadness. Be present.

Indeed, a seven-year-old did that- a child. Having enough hope for the both of us. Gradually sprinkling his hope.

The saying “if you want to hear God laugh, tell your plans” is fitting. My children are grown. I’d drafted my Stella Wish List. It was ready to go. But I became my grandson’s guardian last year in November. Ironically, my wishlist became Spiderman and Friends.

Stella understood.

I am happy to report that my grandson is adjusting and thriving through it all. The consequence of turbulent times is the runway to healing. A healing between mother and daughter, mother and son, and brother and sister, with a long road ahead of us. Altogether, believing in our strength, our vulnerability helps lift us up. Hug more. Talk more. Judge less.

While I hope to continue to absorb the resilience that Kaleb has shown. Someday Kaleb can share his story to help another child not give up. My experience with the foster care system has been educational. I hope to create opportunities for the children still holding on to hope.

Mental Victory Vibes

Fri, 25 Mar 2022 18:17:00 GMT

This week, I ventured into reels. I was so nervous about recording a video. Partially because it evoked the moments of what I didn’t see in myself. Mental health is a tricky thing-repeatedly hitting record while asking 17 questions that started with “what if.” I was getting in my way by seconding guessing, third rethinking- being my own worst critic. Sound familiar? But mental victory vibes help get me through the moment.

At what point in my life, did second guessing become my normal?

When did I forget that being encouraged is a pathway to discoveries? A pathway to mental victory vibes overflow

More importantly, why did I forget? The truth- I absorbed the words of others who said I couldn’t, the thoughts of those who told me I wasn’t good enough, or that no one would take me seriously. Obviously, affecting my mental health more than I cared to acknowledge.

Even though the words created a fire in me that drove me to be better, I kept revisiting the conversations in my mind sporadically. I would think about what I should have said and how I could’ve said it. I did it so much that it became part of me. The words had an impact since they were spoken by people I held in high esteem, or I’d been burned out to the point it was difficult to escape the thought.

Furthermore, I hadn’t achieved specific career and personal milestones despite having achieved small victories or achievements, which I’ve lovingly coined mental victory vibes.

I started my vibes bank after discussing strategies with my therapist. She told me to remind myself of the facts to counter negative self-talk helping my mental health. I took it a step further by hugging myself every day in the mirror. For both tasks, sometimes I struggled to make time, but I reap the benefits when I do.

This week, the poise of Ketanji Brown Jackson inspired me to fill my vibes bank to the point of overflow. During her confirmation hearing, I teared up when she said, “I stand on the shoulders of women before me”, translated to me as her introduction, and shout of gratitude to the many women before her who fought to be heard, and those to come fighting to be heard. The words hit different and serve as a reminder to continue reconfiguring my normal and persevere.

I took the little girl within to lunch. I reminded her:

You are smart enough
You are talented enough
It’s okay to be nervous, but don’t give up
Keep filling up your mental vibes bank and share the overflow with friends

Adding to my mental victory vibes bank

I hope that you will do the same. Extending outside of what I’ve defined as my normal is not always stress-free, evidenced by the nervous down pour of sweat for the video this week and the one I am planning for next week. I am grateful to be part of an encouraging community. There is freedom in the leap, even if the result is a fall.

The picture is of my mom, my sisters, and me at my eighth-grade graduation. She always told us the facts, no chaser, because she wanted her daughters to handle challenges with our heads high with an understanding that life can be challenging, but YOU WILL BE ALRIGHT! Her birthday was this month-Women’s History Month. She built a legacy that manifests within my sisters and me. I love her with all that I am. I couldn’t hold off until Mother’s Day as everyday with her is a gift.

Mental Health: Small Steps

Fri, 18 Mar 2022 17:58:00 GMT

A conversation with my daughter shifted my thoughts from my initial posting outline, but I feel the topic aligns with Women’s History Month. A decision to avoid a difficult discussions thus affecting mental health may occur due to:

Not being ready for the dialogue that will follow
Making the final decision

Admittedly, the conversation resonated with me. Granted, when I avoided a conversation, I was not ready for the dialogue. In fact, I was emotionally charged.

Subsequently, an entire conversation occurred in my head. Wrote the cliff notes. Edited the script. Produced the movie. Analyzed every subtle meaning. Just mentally spinning. Most of all, I know mental spinning isn’t the best solution.

Hence, mental empowerment being the better option. Especially since I don’t want to constantly read the cliff notes. I offer myself grace. The grace to not be ready for the conversation. Space too mentally prepare for the dialogue. Extending grace is self-care. Thus, aligning with mental health.

Meanwhile, it stops the mental spin. I am better able to control myself- the response. My reaction with a clear understanding that I can’t control the person’s words. It doesn’t mean I won’t cry. That’s okay. It’s cleansing-putting myself first. Eventually, revisiting the difficult discussion.

While I’ve been on my mental empowerment mission for several years, it isn’t easy. But slow progress is still progress. Mental empowerment is baby steps. I may never run, but if I’m taking baby steps, I’m doing better than I was a year, a month, a week, or a day prior. I am protecting my peace. I can’t give up on myself while waiting to have the difficult discussion.

In conclusion, on the tail end of the third week of Women’s History month, be reminded of the women who faced difficult discussions or decisions head-on. Women setting the foundation for women to have voices. Show love to the women in your family that stand tall when the weight of the conversation despite the decision or situation being so heavy. More importantly, mental health is significant.

Being self-aware is still progress. Growth is multi-dimensional. Build your runway that works for you.

You.are.worth.it.

After all, a whisper can easily become a shout.

Big Mama: The Matriarch

Fri, 11 Mar 2022 19:18:00 GMT

Sometimes, I need to reflect on the foundation of my being. I want to think about the love, support, and guidance generously given from the matriarch in my family-BIG MAMA. Fortunately, I was able to have both of my grandmothers well into my adulthood. Both were the pillars in addition to foundation of the family that I’ve come to adore. My grandmothers, Henrietta Patterson and Helen Edwards shaped my definition of Big Mama. I spent countless holidays, many summers, and hours after school at their homes. These women-built families and constructed the framework of the true meaning of family ties and love.

Although my grandmothers were alike in their family expectations, each woman was different. Mrs. Helen Edwards, momma, was my maternal grandmother. I never heard her raise her voice. However, she clearly conveyed her message. As a child, I knew snickers or ice cream were in the freezer. Ultimately, a hushed tone when her story was on television. Her guided approach as Big Mama.

Ms. Henrietta Patterson, Grandma Pumpkin, was my paternal grandmother. She was firm in her beliefs yet subtle in her approach. Even more, a fashionista. As well as, active in her church. Also, I knew not to run in and out of the house or sit in the front room. The inspired lead as Big Mama.

Above all, I want to honor them with heavenly love and their contributions to my family’s history- their motherhood.

Momma was born in Mississippi in the mid-1930s. Her mom died when she was young. Subsequently, raised by her sisters. She met my grandfather as a young teen. Married by thirteen. Birthed my mom at fifteen, followed by my mother’s sister and three brothers. My grandmother had a sixth-grade education. With this in mind, she was a caregiver, nurturing, listener, financial adviser, and supporter.

Momma would prepare banana pudding, homemade. Indeed, I loved to have a serving when it was warm after coming out of the oven. In fact, my eldest sister shared the recipe was stovetop and not from the oven. Regardless, the memory of her banana pudding is home for me. I regret not learning her recipe. Passing it on to my children. Motherhood defined in the fond memories of the kitchen while preparing the dessert. She talked about the importance of the recipe but never measured any of the ingredients. As a child, I thought it was magic. Now I know she had skills! Big Mama magic!

She told me, “Don’t settle. Live your life the way you want to live it.” It’s okay not to settle. She told me to live. There is so much power in her words. I interpreted her words to mean that I would be okay; no matter how challenging the situation, I would be okay. I am so grateful for her guidance. Big Mama knowledge that I hold close today!

Grandma Pumpkin was born in the late 1920s. Her mom died at a young age, so she and her brother were raised by her mother’s sister. My grandmother had three sons. She worked as a nurser’s aid for an African American doctor for four decades and could close a mall! I spent many summers sitting on the large porch at my Grandma Pumpkin’s home with my cousins. She had an enormous yard that my cousins and I put some miles on running back and forth.

My parents met each other later in their lives. I was eight years old when they met. So, it was around that time I met my grandmother, and I will never forget her words to “come here, baby”- as a child, feeling the love of that moment will never go away. At that moment, I knew I was home in a family that represented strong family ties and sticking together.

The emotional and physical contributions of women before me shaped the foundation of many opportunities for women today, but to have the honor to be nurtured, loved, and led by my grandmothers as a young girl, teen, and woman was a blessing. I am grateful for their strength passed on to me. They gave me a voice nurtured through multiple avenues.

A voice is power, whether soft, commanding, or elegant. There will be times voices are lost and feel unheard, but as I remind myself each day, don’t stop searching, keep fighting, and don’t give up. It took me several years to understand the power of Big Mama’s – their motherhood strength manifested through their protection in word, in a meal, a story, or a fantastic outfit.

I miss them very much, but I always carry their love and lessons with me.

Mom Time: Love Always

Fri, 04 Mar 2022 19:18:00 GMT

This week’s post will wrap up my About Me series, a single mom seeking to find her way. With that in mind, It has been a freeing experience sharing my evolution in the ‘80s and ‘90s.

With this in mind, I was 28 years old when I went back to college at Indiana University Northwest (IUN) after resigning from the American Red Cross to work overnights as a phlebotomist. The program I’d chosen required full-time commitment during the day.

Offsetting my decrease income by applying for subsidized programs. Programs that assisted with rent, gas, and childcare since I was a single mom. In addition qualifying for financial aid and college work-study employment.

However, it did not help the decrease in my income resulting in my car being repossessed. Consequently, leading an issue with getting to school, but a friend lent me her struggle buggy, a 1983 Toyota Corolla.

Shortly after I purchased a 1982 Pontiac Sunbird with no heat or air conditioning. While under a blanket, my son asked me while sitting at the red light on 25th Burr, “Mommy, can they (people in the car next to us) see their breath like us?” Mommy was too stunned to speak.

My motivation was my children, friends, and a man, whom I married.

We met at a happy hour on the Southside of Chicago at a small hole in the wall lounge on the dance floor. I hopped, but stomp was the next move. After that, we started talking and hanging out. Eventually we got engaged. Married a year later. My youngest child was born the following year. Growing to love his mom, grandmother, and grandfather. His grandfather would fuss about my inability to parallel park. His mom was supportive and kind. Didn’t judge. She guided. I miss her.

Reflecting on that time, I was so secure in being insecure. Not the best communicator. Later finding out, nor was he. We tried counseling. Our son was one when our marriage ended. Of course, after my marriage ended, my energy shifted. Truly leaving little time to focus on me. As my priority was supporting my children. Focusing on earning money. Ultimately going back to school, finishing with my Bachelors and Masters.

Gradually, being a single mom, my mindset shifted to autopilot. But there was a battle within me. Certainly, the years that followed brought more uncertainty. Self-acceptance hasn’t come easy, nor has confidence. More importantly, through the grace of God, I changed over time I matured, prayed more, cried when I needed, and screamed when necessary.

Still, I have work to do. Fortunately, my adult children that support my craziness. Sisters that pull up and hop out of the car. Mentors that point me east when I’m spinning west.

In a nutshell, I learned being fluid is a willingness to be open to finding my interests which does not mean neglecting others or hiding what the Lord has for me. Moms work hard (I know I did), and I am happy to acknowledge that taking a few minutes for me help me show up as a better version of myself.

It’s hard to make time for yourself as a single mom but I would encourage you to take five minutes or ten minutes each day for you. Above all, remember, you deserve it .

To my youngest son, the free spirit- you make me a better person. Your energy reminds me that acceptance and self-love start from within me each day. I love you, son. Keep seeking to make an impact in the world.

New Mom: Support Comes In Many Forms

Fri, 25 Feb 2022 19:18:00 GMT

On the other hand, fighting invisibility wasn’t a simple task as a new mom. Far removed from what I’d imagined my life to be. Living in low-income housing. In addition, receiving $229 in TANF per month and food stamps for a household of 3. My son was born 18 months after the birth of my daughter. I had responsibilities. A new mom with a ton of worries. However, I was grateful for my home. A broader support system, and friends. My friends were the voice of reason, a channel for venting, and there for me.

Despite the rule that no one could live in the apartment who wasn’t on the lease. With that, his belongings were hidden. But the rental office knew of his presence. My son’s father was my homie, lover, friend. He preferred to get back to the hood of things so that kept him in the streets. Three years later, I was evicted due to an incident he had with someone who lived in the housing complex. Here I was, homeless with two children.

To put it another way, I will be forever grateful for my broader support system, his mom, sister, and father. His family never judged me. Instead, their support kept me going as a new mom. Eventually, I found a place to live, and his parents brought us groceries when we had no money, got clothes for the kids, and were kind to me during and after the relationship.

Although an extremely tough situation that occasionally felt insurmountable, I grew in determination. Good friends offered support. They reminded me of what I had accomplished. I was determined to provide for my children. To have a home for them. Being a mom with small children, problems don’t seem so enormous with the right set of friends.

Things were looking up after I landed a job as a phlebotomist. Each day offered the opportunity to give up. Find a flaw in the circumstance. As a new mom, from time-to-time, it is easier to believe it won’t get better. But the job at the American Red Cross gave me hope. I leased an apartment. That’s right, and it was around the corner from my parents! I saw my youngest sister more often. My youngest sister did more for me than she knows. We have a 12-year age difference. Through her, I saw possibilities. Wanted to be a solid role model for her. I took the honor very seriously.

Actually, being a mom of small children, my determination helped to handle difficult times. However, my support system was the reason I fought invisibility. I would encourage anyone to find a support system. Support comes in many forms, and it’s worth it. Keep going! Keep your head up !

To my son, who celebrated a birthday earlier this week, you are a force to be reckoned with, a gentleman, and a genuine person. I want to take all the credit, but I can’t. It took a village, a support system. I love you, son. Happy Birthday and thanks for your love and support.

Mental Health Struggles: You Remind Me

Fri, 18 Feb 2022 19:18:00 GMT

Considering the Super Bowl and the walk down memory lane with some of the most incredible hip hop and R&B artists, this week’s topic brings me to my twenties in the 90s. MJB’s album What’s the 411 gave me life as I unknowingly struggled with my mental health. Her album helped me to cope with disappointment and celebrate the good times. However, the difficult times proved to be my catalyst of feeling I wasn’t good enough contributing to my mental health struggles.

For starters, I didn’t return to college, I felt like a misfit, I had a fallen out with my dad, and the relationship with the person who will be my daughter’s father fell apart. For me, a young adult with no money or a decent-paying job, my options were limited. I had very little financial literacy, meaning I couldn’t balance a checkbook, limited mental maturation on acquiring an apartment, paying utilities, or buying groceries. Subsequently, contributing to my mental health struggles.

In my second year of college, I was placed on academic probation. Earning academic probation status was nothing to be proud of, and as I said to my younger self in a prior blog post, it wasn’t worth the hangover. First, I returned home and truly felt like a misfit. Second, I would stay out of my parents’ way. Third, I was so ashamed. Quite honestly, I preferred invisibility than dealing with mental health awareness. I couldn’t look my dad and mom in the face and see disappointment. Don’t get me wrong, my parents never made me feel like I was a disappointment, but I also knew that they knew my potential.

My relationship fell apart shortly after I made the mistake of disrespecting my dad. I cussed at my dad after he’d expressed his concern about my then-boyfriend. Disrespect wasn’t tolerated in my parents’ home, so I had to leave. A choice resulting in my sleeping from sofa to sofa. Later leasing an apartment that I couldn’t afford on my Rally’s wages. The County Sheriff repossessed furniture I rented. Eventually, after the birth of my first child, I was able to get low-income housing and government assistance. Then, I couldn’t fully comprehend my dad’s disappointment. Nor was I willing to confront my mental health struggles. Now I know my father wanted me to understand the integrity of a man and knew the path I’d chosen would be complicated.

During all this transition, I wasn’t mentally ready for the complications in my relationship. He and I were young and lacked efficient communication skills, managing daily life. The situation was mentally taxing, and preferring invisibility shaped a narrative in mind. It offered me the excuse to choose invisibility for many years instead of invincibility. I decided incorrectly, and as a result, anxiety followed.

My silver lining was a radio that I received as a Christmas gift several years prior. My daughter and I listened to the Doug Banks show every day, where I had my cassette ready to record Mary J Blige’s “You Remind Me.” I played the song a lot and kept a pencil handle just in case I had to wind the tape. The song’s lyrics were my shadow because I didn’t see the love for myself for many days, no confident walk, talk, or dress. Truly, I was struggled with my mental health. But today!

I reclaim my power. I will walk and talk with confidence. My deja vu is the excellent relationship with my father and the respected friendship with my daughter’s father. Most importantly, I have learned to give myself grace in my tears. My older sister had my back while trying to do life herself. She gave me a sofa to sleep on and brought me clothing to wear. She told me to keep going, and I want to thank her.

Life brings many challenges, but there is healing in song—compelling lyrics. For me, music in the 90s did that then and now. I am grateful for Mary J Blige’s musical abilities. Listen, ladies, hold on. Don’t be afraid of memory, and don’t keep playing the negative repeatedly in your mind. Instead, continue to grow. Fight. Invisibility.

Reading and Books: My Great Escape

Fri, 11 Feb 2022 19:18:00 GMT

My great escape throughout the mid to late ’80s was through reading and books. Going to the bookmobile. It parked on the side street next to my childhood home each week. My parents set rules. I followed the rules. Consequently, I was allowed to visit the bookmobile every week.

I loved going to pick out my selection of books I planned to read each week. Reading books was my opportunity to step into another world. For a short time, in the story I became the main character for a short time. A great escape.

Even more, at that age, I believed more and judged less. Believed I was capable. Accepted my whole self with no “but if.” However, despite knowing this, I started doubting myself, judging my appearance, and negative self-talk in my early teens or before. I am sure there are many reasons why, but at this moment, the first thought that comes to mind is I wanted to fit in. My outlet was reading and books.

Still, I will continue to protect and acknowledge that little girl that dwells within. Most of all, I would tell her that reading and books will open the door to opportunity. Hence, offering her wisdom in the hope of changing her mindset as she evolves. So here goes:

Laugh more, judge less.
She is good enough.
Mistakes and not-so-great decisions are growth opportunities.
Don’t drink 20/20 Mad Dog in college. It’s not worth the hangover.
I believe in her.
Hug loved ones more. Everyday isn’t promised.
Keep reading
Continue to love books

To my daughter, I know you have felt this way on many occasions, but I’m here to tell you that you are enough. Your mistakes don’t define you, and I love you.

I would love to hear how reading was your great escape and how books contributes to your story of your younger self.

Friends: Where My Girls At?

Wed, 02 Feb 2022 16:55:00 GMT

Wow! Here I am! I am finally posting my blog. My morning walks have brought me to think about middle school, me, and my friends at that time. In middle school, I was a spaghetti girl- not because I liked spaghetti. Instead, I thought it was cool to make a spaghetti gesture. Indeed, I wasn’t at the cool kids’ table. My best friends in the whole world at that time was with three other young ladies who were equally socially awkward.

Rather, my friends and I talked about what we could be and the fantastic things we could do. Now that I think back on it, we had high expectations. Seems like, we didn’t allow fear or inadequacy to deter us from dreaming. Therefore, seeing no limitation for believing in ourselves. Also, I can’t help but wonder when that changed and why did that change?

Over the years, I’ve forgotten to nurture the dreams of that little girl as a result of my friends. Consequently, adulting can do that, and it’s time to reclaim it. Reclaim the little girl who visualized herself in the mirror as the fly girl in Jordache jeans about to take the world by storm. Let me take a moment to acknowledge that I loved my Jordache jeans! I hung them up without being told and wore them with spice in my step (my mom called it switching). My empowerment task starting right now is always to remember my inner child, love her, lift her, hug her, and wear a good pair of jeans!

So, I’m asking WHERE MY GIRLS AT ? Are you nurturing the gem inside you? Have you hugged yourself today? Will you embrace yourself? Friends- YESSSS!

I plan to love my inner child as I seek to embrace my vulnerability. I will love her, protect her, and celebrate her. Dream again! Will you?

To the Spaghetti Girls, Thank you, ladies! Thank you for dreaming with me!