I was 37 years old when my dad died. It was the most challenging time in my life and remained difficult for nearly ten years that followed. Bruce Edwin Carlton was my bonus dad- a strong black father. When I was eight years old and in the third grade attending Ernie Pyle Elementary, he came into my life.

At first, I didn’t know what to expect. He talked to me while cooking dinner for us and took me on adventures. I’d never seen my mom so happy. She laughed and smiled, no more sadness. Ultimately, I knew I had to give him a chance. I wanted to know the person who could bring my mom so much light. I wanted to learn so I could do it too. Plus, seeing her like that made me happy. 

For the month of June, I will celebrate dad. A man who was a strong black father. A huge influencer in my life. Sharing some life lessons he taught me. My prayer with each post is that I feel his presence and represent him well. 

My bonus dad came into my life when I was too young to understand what I didn’t have, too young to know what I needed to grow or how to go about discovering those things. When my mom introduced us, he lived in Valparaiso, Indiana, a little over 30 minutes from Gary, Indiana, where I lived with my mom. My mom took us there for dinner.

I remember a series of adventures as I got to know the man who made my mom so happy. The adventures that I vividly remember are my first visit to the museums in Chicago and my first movie with my dad. Even now, I try to visit the Museum of Science and Industry when I can when visiting Chicago, and I always watch Max Dugan’s Returns when it’s on television. Despite the years that have passed, I still remember his car at that time. It was a yellow and black bug, a stick shift, and he had tools in the backseat, but he put them in the trunk when we rode with him, a strong black father. 

A year later, in the early ’80s, my parents married in the living room at my maternal grandmother’s house. Lives changed that day; we became a family. But not with a lot of adjustment. My dad changed my life for the better!



• I transferred from Ernie Pyle Elementary to Ivanhoe Elementary 
• I started to walk to school in rain, snow, or shine
• We ate dinner as a family every night at 5 pm
• We watched Barnaby Jones reruns and Wheel of Fortune every night 

I experienced more first. At nine, I learned to ride a bike, a pink Huffy. The day I began to learn to ride, my dad and I went outside; he told me I would fall, falling was not going to be fun, but I would get the hang of it.

First, we started in the grass. Chile, when I tell you I fell, my leg got stuck under the bike, and I cut my leg above my shin. I still have the scar!

But I remember he helped me up, looked at the injury, then said, “it’s not bad. I’m here. You can do it.” And I’ve been riding the bike of life ever since, knowing he’s with me and I can do it. A strong black father!

My relationship with my dad is full of great memories, but those memories are the life lessons he taught me. A strong black father that felt the lessons were pivotal to navigating the world. I didn’t get everything I wanted, but I had food, shelter, water, and love. I had a father who loved me so much he wanted to prepare me to live, appreciate life, and respect it. When God decided to give me a bonus dad, I was humbled yet honored that he gave me Bruce Carlton. He gave me a chance to experience a father’s love for his daughter. 

My dad set the standard, and despite my alternate paths over the years, I haven’t strayed too far from his teachings, love, and guidance.